


Immortal

by LastGriever



Category: Destiny (Video Games), gaming - Fandom
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gen, Heartwrenching, Love, Other, Strong Female Characters, Torment, Tragedy, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:27:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26387923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastGriever/pseuds/LastGriever
Summary: Phoenix is a mysterious woman with a tormented past. She comes off rather cold and uncaring. Survival mechanism. She refuses to let anyone get too close. She woke up six years ago as a guardian, but refused to join the vanguard. In her mind she was just a mechanic, a well known mechanic. Looting and scavenging for rare parts was all she wanted.She gets caught in the Tower after trying to sneak in for parts Amanda Holliday was keeping for her. Now forced to become part of the vanguard under Zavala who she claims ruined her life.Cayde-6, hunter vanguard, is to keep Phoenix as his new partner under Zavala's orders. While testing her abilities, he catches a glimpse of her dark past. Now, he only wants to prove to her that she can trust him. As her partner he won't let her down.Phoenix is caught between the pain of the past and the hope of the present. Will she truly let Cayde in?
Relationships: Cayde-6 (Destiny)/Original Female Character(s), Cayde-6 (Destiny)/Reader
Kudos: 14





	1. 1

It's so bright. What happened? When did I get here? How did I get here?

I can't move. My head is pounding. My eyes burn. Why is it so damn bright?

It takes a moment for my eyes to fully adjust to these lights, but I'm in a hospital bed. The fuck? The last thing I remember I was searching for a chest in the EDZ. This is definitely NOT the EDZ. Aside from the confusion, I'm rather calm considering. Until I hear them...

"She's needed here. It's not safe for her to be out there completely alone."

"I'm sorry... but I don't understand our dire need for a mechanic."

_The fucking vanguard!! No, no, no. I've gotta get out of here._

"There's more to it than that, Ikora. She's a guardian. Guardians belong here with us, not out there in the wild looting chests like some scavenger."

"Tell that to your favorite hunter, Zavala. See what he has to say." Ikora states calmly.

I freeze. I'm in the tower of all places. This is going to be a tricky escape, but there's no way in hell I'm staying here. I refuse to be anywhere near Zavala and his vanguard.

"Bonnie!" I called for my ghost who had been my only companion for the past six years.

"Right here, Guardian!"

"We've talked about you calling me that!" I scold her before scanning the room in hopes of a simple escape.  
"We need to get out of here now!"

"I'm afraid that's impossible. This medical unit is under strict surveillance at all times." Her robotic voice is much too cheery for these circumstances.

"For fucks sake, Bonnie! Am I in prison too? I might as well be." In the midst of my bickering with Bonnie, I hear the door open. I instantly whisper to her, "Hide!" I can't risk them finding her if I have any chance of bullshitting my way out of this.

Zavala steps inside.

"Finally we found you, Phoenix." His stare is cold. It almost brings its own chill to the room.

"Took you long enough didn't it?" I'm still looking for that golden opportunity to flee this hell and run as far away as I can. Zavala notices.

"You're not going anywhere this time. You're right where you need to be. We'll be officially initiating you into the vanguard at 7:00 sharp this evening."

I'm enraged. He's not going to come in here and tell me what I am or am not doing. He doesn't have that right. Not after what he did to me all those years ago.

"I'm not a Guardian." I spit back at him.

His gaze is cold just as I remember it.  
"Bonnie, isn't it?"

He knows about my ghost? She's the one that woke me up six years ago. My best friend. She tried convincing me to 'come home' and 'be a guardian' but I convinced her to be rogue with me. Apparently I failed at some point because as soon as her name is mentioned she comes floating to my side.

"Hello, Zavala!" Still way too fucking happy.

I roll my eyes and sigh. He can think whatever he wants. I'm not joining up with him. That 'official' life just isn't for me.

Zavala steps farther into the room giving me an opening.

I charge for the door, straight past him. I've got a bit of a lead so I continue running down the long hallway. Taking down several of the guards on my way. I cut a corner as I follow the vents, but he's caught up to me. He grabs me by the wrist and I turn to land a solid punch into his face before I realize what I'm even doing.

He greets my face with his elbow before returning the punch I had given him. I'm disoriented. It's a heavy disadvantage. My ears are ringing as well. I blink as I try to regain my focus, but both arms are restrained by another guard. No wonder he's in the vanguard. Zavala's punch is devastating.

I look up at him.  
"Why?" Is all I could say.

"You're needed here." A typical, vague Zavala answer.  
He turns to several more guards and gives his orders,  
"Keep your eyes on her and don't drop your guard, but I expect her to be there at the headquarters by 7:00." He grants me one last look before he walks off, but his eyes are softer than before.

**—-|—-**

7:00

My arms are sore from being held so tightly. The guards from the medical unit passed me off to a few other Guardians for 'safer' keeping. However, since then my hands have been bound behind my back. I've been sitting on this catwalk for 2 hours. Waiting. Just waiting.

I spot a friendly face down in the bazaar. She's speaking to a man... or a robot? Let's face it, he's just metallic. His dramatic gestures are comical and quite intriguing, I'm not sure what he's going on about. From the looks of it it's one hell of a story.

"'Manda!! Hey!! Up here!" She turns instantly, but before she can see my desperation the guards have me pinned to the metal walkway. This again?!  
 _Alright I've fucking had it. I'm out._  
Sick of feeling like a prisoner, I kick the guards off of me and quickly slip my bound hands down around my ankles and under my feet. With my hands now in front of me, I incapacitate the guards with a swift 'haymaker' knocking them both down. As the metal shakes beneath me, I free my hands and jump to the ground below. While I'm sprinting towards Amanda, the guards start to stir. I grab her shoulders and try to give her a quick run down, completely ignoring the glowing, blue robot standing with her.

"Okay. 1. It's so good to see you!" I smile quickly and glance around,  
"2. I could really use your assistance. Get me out of here or something. Cause a scene!" I'm trying to hurry with explanations, but the guards are on their way. I can see them gaining ground.  
Amanda is looking at me. Shocked.  
"Wait, what's going on?"  
"Argh, forget it! Stall them!" I point towards my pursuers before letting go of Amanda, "I'll be back to get those parts as soon as I can!" I shout after I've ran several feet away.

"What the hell?" His voice was just as metallic as he watched the guards run past him and his friend. Amanda giggles.

"CAYDE!" The man turns toward the booming sound of Zavala's voice.  
"Commander?!" He's taken by surprise.  
"Oh no. She's really done it this time." Amanda laughs.  
Cayde glances at her in confusion. "You know her?"

"Enough! This is important! Bring her to me."  
Cayde nods his head and doesn't question it. Excitement fuels him as he starts in on the chase. Finding this stranger who's instantly sparked his curiosity.


	2. 2

I didn't make it. I was so close! I was almost out, but this fucking metal catastrophe intervened. He tossed me up over his shoulder like a fucking sack of flour and strutted up into this suffocating room like an arrogant bastard.

"Zavala! My man! Is this what you were looking for?" He drops me to the ground with a thud. I shoot a look in his direction.  
 _I hate everyone in this damn place._

"Cayde..." Zavala brings a hand up to his face and rubs both of his temples.

"What? I brought her to you like you asked. What'd she do anyway? What kinda criminal we got here?" His voice is happy and grating. It's lingering on my last nerve.

"I'm not a damn criminal! I haven't done anything to deserve this." I stand up dusting myself off.

Zavala takes a few slow steps forward. The light illuminates his face. He points to his cheek where I punched him earlier. His eyes never leaving me.

"Whoa oh ho! She gave you that shiner? Why'd you go and piss off the poor girl anyway?" He is comical. So comical I want to die right now. Right here.

"Zavala believes that it's in her best interest to stay in the tower and pledge herself to the vanguard." Ikora speaks up. Both men look to her respectively.

"She's not a guardian though?" Cayde questions.

"See? Look he believes I'm not a guardian so I should be free to go." I took the opportunity to agree with this guy, Cayde. Probably the only time it's going to happen if he's part of the vanguard.

Zavala sighs, "we've already been through this..."  
"Bonnie." He calls to my ghost like he did in the hospital.  
 _Ah shit._  
I close my eyes as she makes herself known to the three people standing before me.

Cayde steps forward examining my ghost.  
"But when did she wake up?" He asks.

"Six years ago." Bonnie answers. "I tried getting her to come to the Traveler. To live out her new, reborn purpose, but she refused to leave her home and as she was my guardian, I could not abandon her."

I'm uncomfortable. I don't want them prying into the past. I woke up let's just leave it at that.

"Home?" Zavala asks Bonnie.

I look at the ground. I stare at the patterns on the floor, clenching my teeth. Anything to distract my mind from that terrible place it likes to venture to all too often. I cannot cry. Not here.

"Yes, on the outskirts of the EDZ. She woke up and I introduced myself and I tried so hard to explain the situation, but she just looked around so sadly. She sobbed uncontrollably for at least five hours until the exhaustion induced sleep."

"Bonnie..." my voice is quiet. Soft. I turn away from the people in the room.

"Oh! Phoenix I'm so sorry. When asked a question by fellow guardians of light, I'm inclined to share my knowledge. I'll stop here.." she almost sounds apologetic.

"Thank you." I answer her. It takes a few moments to compose myself, but I rush it.

"What do you want with me, Zavala? I'm a mechanic not a guardian. I owe you nothing."

"You remember? Before you woke up?" It's not like Zavala to ask questions.

Comical Cayde fell silent. I didn't realize how much his silence effects me. I'm anxious.

"That's what you wanted? You searched for me for six years to ask about my memory? How's yours Zavala? You were there." My voice is ice.

"Guardians normally do not remember their past lives when they wake up." Thank god Ikora is here. Or else we wouldn't fucking get anywhere with this. However, what she says saddens me.

"My memory keeps me going. My past life is all that mattered and it's gone now. So here I am. Living this 'new' life."

"Scavenging and looting is how you plan to live your life?" Zavala questions me.

"Hey, hey now! That's my kinda thing." Cayde's silence is finally broken and I can't help but to feel this crushing weight disintegrate.

I stretch my tired, sore limbs before answering Zavala. "I'm a mechanic first. I like to look for parts. I'll hear about a stash and check it out. Pick up interesting bits along the way." I shrug. I really just enjoy puzzles. Fixing broken things and creating new things, finding out how things work. It's a passion.

"Zavala! You brought her here because you couldn't handle two of the best looters in the system. Don't lie to me." Cayde chuckles and motions excitedly. Ikora just stares on while taking in everything. I scoff and wait to be dismissed although I know it won't happen they way I hope.

"Since you're so interested, Cayde, she can join you and your hunters. I've got 4 missions lined up for this week. Take her through Nessus."

"Wait a minute. You're going to put one of the best mechanics in a team with a robot? Is this some kind of joke? What do you expect me to do, fix him when he falls apart?" I'm dying inside. I can literally feel my organs screaming their objections.

"Ouch." Cayde crosses a hand over his chest as if I've wounded his heart. "And by the way, I don't even know if you're hunter 'material' yet." He adds even with the hand quotes.

"On Nessus she will be. She hates the Vex. Wiped out at least 100 of them a few months back. That's how I traced her again." Zavala crosses his arms, he almost seems proud.

Cayde looks over to me, then back at Zavala. He cocks his head to the side and peers into my eyes, "why all the Vex hate?" He ponders.

I look up at him,  
"If you were smart you wouldn't ask."

"Phoenix, you will be a great asset as a guardian." Ikora chimes in.

I look back over my shoulder, "I'm not a guardian." I repeat. Before Ikora can respond Zavala holds his finger up to her motioning for her to let it go.

"Cayde, it's late. I need you to show this guardian to her room within the tower."

I'm appalled. I don't need a babysitter!

"Seriously? You're going to have the living, breathing, glow stick walk me home because it's dark?"

"She's feisty. I like her. I have high hopes for this one." Cayde points towards me before leading me out of the meeting area and into the streets.


	3. 3

I guess this is home now. I have no idea how I'm expected to adjust to this. Working for the man who ruined my life. It's a fucking trip. I hate the vanguard. I don't want to be here at all. I don't want to make friends. I want to go back to being alone, keeping everyone at a distance. It's easier that way. My thoughts are running rampant so I've barely even noticed this new.. home. All I see are four empty walls. It's just a shell. Like me. There's not even curtains on the windows. It looks abandoned... dead even.

_Huh.. guess I have become empty and detached._

My thoughts fall on Cayde. His entire demeanor changed as he walked me home. He was quiet, mysterious, and somehow he seemed bothered. Maybe it was something I said? I tend to be harsh when I'm keeping people from getting too close. I don't mean to be such a ruthless bitch sometimes... I know I'm an asshole, but honestly it's the only way I've been able to guard my heart and my sanity since I woke up. It scares me when people go digging too deep into.. Well me. Because I know who I am underneath it all, and no one could love something so fucking damaged.

I lost track of how long I sat there with my thoughts. Might as well take a shower. It'll be the best ending for such a shit day.

**~Cayde's POV~**

Phoenix. Hmm. I really like that name. She's definitely something else. Hell in a tiny feisty body. She intrigues me. Definitely has spunk. That's important. To be honest I can't quite shake what her ghost was saying. She remembers? Like everything? I have so many questions I'd like answers to. She's suffering though. That I can tell. I know that look in her eyes all too well. I want to help her, but I know she's not the type to go asking for help either.

Lost in thoughts of her, I didn't realize I had made it to the end of the pier in the courtyard. Maybe just maybe, just this once Zavala can fill me in on something. Anything.

"It's late. You leaving the city tonight?" Zavala asks.

"What? Uh.. no. Just getting some air. Wandering around. The usual."

He chuckles. Zavala sees straight through me.  
"She's sparked your interest hasn't she?" Damn this man. He's not as stupid as he looks.

"You caught me."

"She's a dangerous one, Cayde. If we want her on our side we have to be patient."

_What the fuck does that mean?_

"Don't you have your own questions about it? I mean who was she before? And what did she mean when she said you were there?"

There's a long pause before either of us spoke again.

"When a guardian wakes up with their light we usually don't worry about their past, Cayde. You know that."

"Well you can see why I'm a little curious can't you? She's got it out for you. Big time."

For a moment I swear this man looked sad. I should've taken a picture.

"She believes I ruined her life, yes. It was an accident."

It's killing me. Honestly. How are these two connected and how have I never heard of her. Also, accident? Zavala? No fucking way.

"What happened?"

"It's not my story to tell. Whatever you do, don't push it." He eyes me coldly. There's my big blue buddy!

"That sounds suspicious as hell."

"Cayde, don't push it. It'll come to light eventually."

That sounded more like a warning to me. I don't do well with warnings. I guess I'll just have to spend a lot of time with her. Starting tomorrow morning.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm sure I'm forgetting something. Why else would I have slept so late? Won't they give me orders today? Missions?

A knock on the door wakes me completely. _Who the fuck? And why? Guess I'll be getting those missions after all. Maybe I wasn't forgetting anything._ I slowly make my way to the door and open it.

"Howdy partner!" Why did I even think it would be anyone else?

I swing the door open farther so he can step inside.

"Good morning!" He seems awfully cheerful.

"So what's the plan? Where are we going?" I ask unenthused while rubbing my eyes.

He chuckles "ya know for such a badass you're kinda cute in the mornings."

I give him an incredulous look. I know what I look like. Hell. I feel like it too.   
I don't say anything.

"Right. Straight to the point. I admire that ya know? Anyways, Zavala isn't assigning you anything for the next few days. He's letting you rest before jumping into anything."

Zavala is letting me off the hook? That doesn't make sense. "So the brute is going easy on me now? Does he think I'm just going to forget?" I wasn't really asking Cayde, I was basically thinking out loud. He notices and steps towards me.

"Look, I don't know the story. I just know what I see." I know he's trying to make an effort for me. I see that. After all we are partners now.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" I finally ask him, ignoring his last remark.

"We're going to go out and have a little fun." He spreads his arms wide before me.

"Can we maybe schedule that a bit later? I've got something I need to do first." I need a friend. 

"I'm still technically not allowed to take my eyes off of you. In case you decide to plan another extravagant escape..." His voice is mischievous which earns him a smirk from me. I think he smiled too. 

"I've given up escaping. To be honest I've got nowhere to go."

For the first time Cayde looks at me seriously. His eyes linger for a moment.

"What do you need? I'll take you." I definitely wasn't expecting that from him.

"I just need to talk to a friend."  
"Amanda?"   
"How'd you know?" I ask curiously.   
"Let's just say I was there and you happen to be the queen of first impressions. Ya know with your interrupting and running away and all." He laughs as he takes us to the door. "Let's go find her."

With that, I follow Cayde.

***

Amanda spots us and a smile illuminates her face.   
"Ah my two favorite people. Big plans today?" She wipes the sheen of sweat from her brow.

"This one wanted to see you." Cayde states.

Her eyes light up instantly "I've got that part you need. I put it up for you. Hey since you're officially a resident now, how about you come down every once in a while and help me with repairs?"

"That sounds amazing! I could help out today. It'll give me something to hyper focus on." Finally something good to look forward to.

"You already have something you need to focus on." Cayde starts up. I forgot he was behind me.

"Oh what? You need to be reprogrammed or something" I say coldly.

"Training. Hand to hand. No weapons. I still don't know how you'll work as a hunter. So we're starting with basics." He steals a glance at me.

"Fine. Once I finally get the honor of kicking your ass I'll use you for parts."

"Think you can take me?" He sounds confident. Too confident.

"I know I can. I'm a mechanic before I'm a guardian remember? I know how to break you apart. You're just a heap of metal scraps." Amanda falls painfully silent as she watches us bicker back and forth.

"I thought I was just a glow stick?" He counters.

"Maybe I'll just turn you into a lamp and stick you beside my bed. I'm sure you'd be the perfect night light." I shot back.

"I'm happy to know you'd keep me in your bedroom." I feel my face growing hot and he's only inches away from me, towering over my small frame.

"That's about the only good you'd be in a bedroom. I mean really what can a cold, robot really accomplish?" I instantly regret my words. He was testing me though.

Amanda clears her throat.   
"Alright kids. Enough of that." She intervenes as she keeps her eyes on Cayde. He has a gloved hand on his face.

"I expect to see you later Guardian. Need to test those abilities. See if you're really worth something or if you're truly just worthless to me." He's cold. His voice is startling. Did I go too far? He's a robot he can't really 'feel' things. Right?

"Phoenix.." I look back to Amanda as she says my name, but I turn to look at Cayde once more. He's gone.

"What?" I quickly ask.

"Too far." She doesn't sound happy with me either. "Too cold" she scowls.

I look down at my feet. Lost. Somewhat hopeless in this moment.

"I know you don't want to be here. You'd rather be anywhere else honestly, but...Cayde is your partner now. It's his job to have your back." She leans down so she can look me in the eye before she continues.

"He won't let you down, Phoenix. He's going to make sure you're ready for whatever you guys are going to have to face out there."

"So you're saying I should befriend him?" I'm almost sick. I'm not sure if it's because I never wanted to be in this place or because I've already messed up.

"Just give him a little bit. A little bit of you. Maybe learn something about him too. Be a damn good partner to him." She's standing up for him... if anyone knows people it's Amanda.

"I know you don't intentionally try to hurt people... but I think you need to go set this right. In all the years I've known Cayde.. I've never seen that look on his face."

_Ouch. Maybe I'm really the worst human on the planet, or like 'he' said so long ago, "you won't be human when I'm through with you." Well he was through with me so maybe he was right._


	5. Chapter 5

He lunges at me. Full speed. I catch his fist in my hand and duck beneath his arm in order to place my free hand on his shoulder. I have to think fast. In one motion I push his shoulder, and sweep his legs out from under him. He falls to the ground. Or so I thought....

In an instant he was behind me. My arms crossed and my wrists are on both sides of my hips. I'm trapped! He's powerful and I'm struggling in his arms. I try to push my hips back into his so I can break away. He's still overpowering me and my hips struggle against him.

"Guardian..." he growls in my ear. My body fails me in reaction to his voice. I freeze. I can feel him tense behind me. I break free and spin in the cage of his arms. I try to overpower him but my foot gets caught while trying to trip him. We both fall to the ground.

"Shit!" I scream before our bodies collide with the floor. I start laughing. It's been so long since I've sparred with anyone. It's fun!

Cayde lifts himself up after a few minutes. He's reclining on the ground next me.   
"Guess you won't be turning me into a lamp today." My mood quickly declines and I move to stand away from him. I can see he's still bothered by what I said earlier, but I really want to fix it. I have to. 

Before I can try, I hear him rustling to his feet.

"I hope you're going to hit a lot harder this time. This isn't the time to be playing around." His voice is still blank with no hint of his usual jokes or comical quirks. I don't have time to overthink before he's swinging at me once again. I dodge them all. Very sloppily, but I dodged them nonetheless.

"What? Afraid you're going to hurt me?" He adds. "I'm just a robot, I'm sure they can send me to Amanda or something and she'll fix me right up." I'm not sure how I should take him. I can't get a read on him.

_Fuck it._

I kick off the ground as hard as possible. Feeling the weight of the power in my legs. I'm charging at him through the air. We continue our dance on the wind, dodging blows, countering, blocking. The smell of worn leather and my sweat are filling the space around us.

"I thought you could take me apart? Can't keep up?"

"What is wrong with you?" I almost yell.

"You've gotta do better than this, Guardian." He snaps back.

"I'm NOT a guardian!" I shout.

I finally land a strong blow to his face and he barrels out of the sky onto the cold metal floor. A reverberating 'clink' is all I can hear.

I'm on the opposite side of the room. Catching my breath, I watch as he slowly rises to face me once more. He doesn't look like the same man I saw when I was with Amanda earlier. He's different almost terrifying.

"You deserved everything that happened to you!"

I know I didn't hear him right. There's no way.

"Cayde! No! Don't go there!" Bonnie came flying between us. "You have to stop. You cannot push this." He ignores her.

"What did you say to me?" I feel my blood starting to boil beneath my flesh.

"Everything you lost. You deserved to lose. Whatever it was.. it's probably better off without you." He pulls his hood back up over his head and renews a fighting stance.

Tears. I feel them. They've finally pushed their way through. I can't blink. They're just falling relentlessly. I can feel my body as it's about to buckle under the painful memory. I didn't think I could fall so far into this torment again.

"C A Y D E." Bonnie is pissed. "What have you done?!"

"Bonnie.... this is between Cayde and I. Make sure I've got room at home for an arrogant bastard of a lamp. He's about to shed a few pieces." My voice is heavy with resentment. I've finally got the idiots attention. His eyes gleam as he fixes them upon my face.

_Amanda doesn't know shit about Cayde. Not the man standing before me now_.

I feel a searing pain falling down the length of my spine. I scream, but it comes out as laughter. My body gives in to the memory, to the torment, the pain. All I am now.... is rage. I'm on him in a second. Landing blow after blow against his face, his body. I headbutt him in the chin. While he's disoriented I flip over his height and stand behind him, both of his arms in my hands. I pull back ruthlessly and revel in the sound of metal scraping as one of his arms detaches from its home on his body. I let him drop to the floor and take his foot in my cruel hands. I 'break' his ankle and detach his leg from the knee. I stand back. Panting, I'm holding a leg and an arm in both of my hands.

There's a pain I've never experienced finding it's way into my head. Cradling my right eye in its storm. I drop to my knees under its weight.

"Phoenix! Phoenix!" I can hear Bonnie calling my name but I'm nauseous.

"Cayde!" She's checking on him too.

Everything goes black.

****

"Zavala!!" Bonnie is frantic.   
"Zavala please pick up!"  
"Ikora? Anyone! Please!"

"Bonnie? Everything okay?" Ikora responds immediately.

"No! We need medics now! Possibly a mechanic? Bad joke. Too soon. Alright look, Cayde was testing Phoenix's abilities as a hunter. Things got out of hand rather quickly. There's been an accident and they're BOTH in pretty bad shape."

"Bonnie... It takes a lot to kill a guardian. Their ghosts are fine so why can't you and Sundance just patch them up?" Zavala is late to the game.

"Uhm... it's a bit complicated on my end, however you may want to see this for yourself before Cayde is.. back together, Commander. They didn't kill each other... although I'm pretty sure they wanted to." Bonnie answers.

"Back together?" Ikora hesitates. There's a long sigh from Zavala,

"Alright. I'll send a unit and meet you at the medical ward."


	6. Chapter 6

"Zavala... she literally tore him apart." Ikora is cautious as she approaches him.

"That's not what concerns me." He simply states.

"She could have seriously done something, Zavala! Are you sure about bringing her here?" She presses him.

"I told Cayde not to push it. Warned him that she could be dangerous. My guess? He pushed it. His task was to simply test her abilities. Nothing more."

"I see... but... still..."

"Have you checked on her, Ikora? Bring her in if she's able." He orders.

"Yes, commander."

**

"Phoenix?" Ikora opens the door to find me sitting up on the bed. I've unhooked myself from the machines.

"Ikora how did I get here?... again?" I wonder.

"We sent a squad to pick you guys up. Bonnie was insistent that we hurry. Can you walk? Zavala is requesting us."

It's coming back to me. The training. Everything. I sigh.

_I hate him._

"Yeah, I'm good." I hop off the bed to follow Ikora. There's still a painful aftershock, but it'll fade in a couple days I'm guessing.

As we walk into the room I instantly notice Cayde lying on the hospital bed. I can't help but to smile confidently.

_I hate him._

"She passed. She'll be a fine hunter." He gave Zavala a thumbs up. They still haven't pieced him together. His leg and his arm are splayed out on the table next to him. Zavala and Ikora study the damage.

"Hmm. Guess you got what you deserved. Done testing me now, Cayde?" I look down at him. "I'd hate to have to remove your head from those shoulders as well." I fold my arms across my chest and take a seat along the wall at the side of his bed. Zavala and Ikora stand at the opposite side watching the interaction.

I look over Cayde's damage.   
"Looks like you'll be here a while. It's going to take quite a bit of tedious work to piece you back together. I don't even think a ghost can repair that correctly," I smack my lips "what a shame." I smirk as I eye him coldly.

Ikora begins looking over the damage again as I give Cayde his unwanted diagnosis.

"You've got quite the eye for repairs, mechanic." I smile when Ikora calls me 'mechanic.' It's so much better than 'Guardian.'

"Ah I'll be out of here by tomorrow. Don't worry about me." He gives us both a confident smile.

"Cayde, what did you say to her in order to end up like this?" Zavala questions. He sounds amused.

Cayde takes a moment looking back and forth between Zavala, Ikora, and I.

"I told her she deserved it." He makes it sound so simple.

I look away. I remember exactly what he said.

"Told her she deserved what?" Zavala's voice is hard. Authoritative.

Cayde sighed.   
"I told her she deserved everything that happened to her. Whatever she lost was better off without her."

I feel a cold chill run throughout my bones. Exhaustion and disappointment quickly followed.

~BAM~

Zavala's fist strikes Cayde hard and true. The room falls silent. Complete shock freezes us all in our place.

"I had to say it. Her pain is her strength. I found that out the hard way. Look, I did my job like you asked. I tested her ability. She'll be a fine asset as a guardian here. You're welcome." Cayde's voice is carefree. He almost seems as if he's back to himself again. Which hurts me even more.

"SHE DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF IT. NOT A SINGLE PART OF IT!!!"

_Wait just a fucking minute. Zavala is defending me? He's shouting. And he's definitely angry, but his anger is towards Cayde instead of towards me. I have hated this man for 6 long years. Am I wrong to do so?_

Cayde is silent. This time I don't care.

"I told you Cayde. I told you not to push it. It's not your story, it's not my story, and it's not your pain. It's hers and hers alone. And yet... you found a way to exploit that pain." Zavala brings a hand up to his face and cups it over his mouth in frustration.

"Zavala..?" I start to ask, but I don't know what to say.

He looks at me with sad eyes and exhales the breath he seems to have been holding for quite some time.

"I missed my target. My bullet wasn't meant for you."

Jaws hit the floor. Mine, Cayde's, and Ikora's.

"You took one step forward in a single second... and became a target." He couldn't meet my eyes again.

I thought I had it all figured out. I had replayed this scenario countless times.

"You were sent to kill my husband." I swallow hard. That realization alone is going to shatter me. Cayde instantly shoots up on the bed the best that he can.

"You were married?!?" He shouts.

"She was pregnant." Zavala's voice is quiet. There's so much regret. I can feel it.

"Phoenix..." Ikora is full of sympathy and surprise. I can feel it from her too.

I look at the three in the room who are also looking back at me. Waiting.   
I turn to Zavala.

"You didn't kill anyone. She was healthy."   
It had been so long since I had spoke of her. My daughter. She was my life. If Zavala had killed my husband, I'd be okay today. We'd both be okay...

I felt the tears coming again. I hated this. These tears, this pain. I try to compose myself, but it's not possible.

"Phoenix.. I—" Cayde's voice is too much. After the mental Hell I just experienced with him, I can't handle anymore.

"I.. I gotta go." I barely got the words out before I was running back down those streets again. Only this time... I was heading home.


	7. Chapter 7

**~Cayde's POV~**

I watch her run out of the doors to my hospital room. There's no way I can forget the look she gave me. Even before when we were training... the tears that I had caused. I had no idea. I've truly fucked up and I hate myself for bringing her past out like that. That's not how I wanted to get to know her. This isn't how I wanted any of this to go. If anyone can connect to her.. it's me. I had a family too. Although mine is barely a memory anymore.. I've seen those same eyes looking back at me in the mirror. What have I done?

"Are you proud of yourself Cayde?" Zavala's voice is thick with anger.

"I... I didn't know, Zavala! I'm sorry!"

"You don't know much do you?" I'm taken back by the coldness I receive from him.

"Cayde that was extremely cruel. Even for you." Ikora is bitching me out now too. This is great... I already feel like absolute shit about this. Phoenix was right. I did deserve this.

"You still don't get it, Cayde." Zavala is glaring at me. His face contorts. I look up into his face and I can see the disappointment etched into every one of his features.

"If I had shot Dax instead... Phoenix wouldn't be here in the tower now. She'd still be living in the outskirts of the EDZ.... with her daughter."

It clicked. It clicked instantly.

"You mean... he did this to her?" I felt anger rising in me.

"Not my story to tell." With that, Zavala left the room and Ikora soon followed.

His avoidance of the question was the answer I needed. How could someone do this to anyone? Especially Phoenix? How can you completely break someone that you're supposed to love and care for endlessly? Your own child even! He ripped her life away. I'm not sure how he did it. I don't need the details. All I know is that I'd kill him myself without a second thought. Phoenix may try to come off a particular way... but I watched her cry. I saw how lifeless it made her. I don't do well with loss either. I hate it actually. I'm a very sore loser. I'm lucky enough to be her partner.... if she'll still have me. I get myself into some shit and with what I witnessed from her today... she's just the kind of fighter to keep me out of said 'shit.' I've gotta fight for this. I have to make this right... I'll never hurt her like this again.

_I need to see you, Phoenix._


	8. Chapter 8

I haven't left my room in days. I've ignored every summon I've received. Isolation... it's all I want. A safe solitude where I can cry and remember... just to beg to forget.

Life without my daughter... it's a life I never wanted. To outlive my own child is a daily excruciating reminder of what hell must be. For my husband, her own father... to be the reason she's dead... it's a torment that will never stop scorching my soul. It's been years and to even remember the smallest detail makes me physically ill.

This is what I've been doing for days. Remembering the details. Making myself sick with grief. Crying myself into a blackout. Repeat. I'm exhausted, and I don't want anyone to take pity on me. I'll survive... even though I could really care less if I was shot to death today or if I didn't see the morning.

I poured myself a strong cup of coffee. My body aches, my eyes are still heavy. I still feel this unbearable weight of sadness surrounding me. I need to get my hands on something. I need to focus on something. Anything.

I know just where I need to go.

***

"Manda." I call to her as I make it to the hangar.   
"Phoenix! I thought you were a gone girl once again." She chuckles, but takes a more serious demeanor once she sees my face.   
"You alright?" She asks.   
"I've just gotta get my hands on something. Make something. Fix something. Just wanna clear my head..." it feels weird to hear my voice. It feels difficult to even speak after my self induced quarantine.   
"I still have those parts you were asking about. However, if you're not up to that today, I've got a pile of junk that I know you'll love." She motions for me to follow her and I do. I try giving her a smile, but it's pointless. I feel dead.

I pull up a crate next to Amanda's pile of junk... well for me it's absolute treasure. I immediately start separating out some pieces based on color, material, and even size. Then I spot it. It's perfect.

A lovely deep purple scrap that looks almost like glass. I find bits of silver and copper and get to work.

~hours go by~

- **Cayde's POV** -

"Amanda!" I call out to her and instantly get her attention. She half sprints over to where I'm standing.

"Hey you!" She sounds happy, but she keeps looking over her shoulder.

"Distracted? How could you be distracted by anything other than my handsome face?" I try to joke, but it still doesn't feel right.

"Uh sorry. Got some newbies workin with me today. Gotta keep my eyes on em. What can I do for you big guy?"

 _Suspicious. I think someone is lying_.

"Well you seem like you've got your hands tied so I guess I'll go." I shouldn't have come. No one has seen her.

"You sure? I've got open spaces for repairs if you need to bring a ship in." She wipes her hands on the towel she carries with her.

"Thanks. Haven't been busy enough lately to need repairs though." My voice trails off. I start to turn away, but then I see it. Hope.

She's sitting behind one of the ships at a bench holding some kind of tool in her mouth. I smile when I realize how focused she is. She's miraculous. Holding something small in her hand she continues to tinker away. I lose myself in watching her work.

"Uh, Cayde?" I barely hear Amanda.

Phoenix has finished her project. She's smiling to herself. She seems pleased.

"How long has she been here?" I ask never taking my eyes off of her.

Amanda looks to Phoenix and then smiles at me.   
"Oh your partner? A couple hours. What's going on with her? She doesn't seem like herself today." She's acting like I have the answers. I do... partially.

"Totally my fault, Manda, but I've gotta fix it. Do me a favor would you? Don't tell her I stopped by." I look in Amanda's eyes and she nods her promise to me.

- **Phoenix's POV** -

I'm so thrilled with how this turned out! It's perfect and it's made me feel so much better. Better than I've felt in a long time.

I cradle the pendant in my hand, running my fingers over the silver and bronze, then along the purple glass fastened between the metals. It's an iris charm. Now I can have her with me everywhere I go.

 _Iris_...

"Phoenix. Your first mission starts in approximately 30 minutes. I need you and Cayde ready to go in 20." Zavala's voice found me through Bonnie.

"Shit... I have to face him..." my short lived happiness quickly dies out.

"Bonnie do you have the mission details?" I find myself doing what I do best. Looking for an escape.

"Sorry, P. There's no shortcuts for this one. Cayde should be at the landing area waiting for you." I stare blankly at my ghost before she disappears until she's needed again. I drop my shoulders and pull myself from the crate I have been sitting on.

I flag Amanda down.   
"Hey thanks for letting me tinker today. I really needed it. I've got a mission though so I've gotta run." I sigh heavily.

"Not a problem anytime. I can always use the help of a good mechanic." She winks at me, but before she leaves she ponders "would this be a mission with Cayde?"

I stop in my tracks. A look of pure disdain on my face. "Yep. First one."

"Go easy on him will ya? I heard about him being in pieces." She grins.

"That heap of scraps deserved it." I shot back.

Amanda laughs and I continue to the landing zone.


	9. Chapter 9

As I'm walking to the landing zone I think back to what Amanda said about Cayde. The way she vouches for him and her unwavering belief in him. I've known her for a while so maybe I'll give him another shot. Maybe he deserves a second chance. Just for today, I'm going to push that bitterness aside. Plus, finally getting out of the Tower is exciting.

I notice him leaning up against the side of his ship. I take in the moment. Relish in it even. He looks serene standing there, cleaning his gun. Almost human... if that's even possible. I smile to myself and let the resentment melt away. For a robot I've gotta admit... he's well built.

"I thought you were gonna stand me up and I was goin to have to go looking for you." He waves at me and moves from his post.

"Why would I do such a thing? I finally get to get out of this place." I can't lie, I was itching to stretch my legs and possibly find some loot.

"Just don't steal my ship." I laugh at his remark. Cayde looks at me curiously.

"Don't tempt me." I joke.

I increase my pace and nearly bolt into the ship. He's not behind me so I call out to him,

"Hey Scraps! You coming or what?"   
"Did you just call me... 'Scraps'?" I heard the change of tone in his voice. He wasn't mad, more surprised than anything.

"Do you want to find some loot or not?" I'm getting anxious.

"Now we're talkin!" He hurries inside the ship and takes his seat next to me, configuring the buttons and getting us prepared to fly out.

As he goes to reach for a particular switch, I notice his arm slightly twitch. He quickly brings it down to rest on his leg and uses his other arm instead. I don't say anything I just continue watching him.

"Partner, you keep looking at me like that I'm going to start thinking you've got a crush on me." He winks at me and I roll my eyes.

"So what's the plan?" I ask him.

"Nessus. We're just going to scope things out."

"Ah. Vex control."

He looks over at me and for the first time... his gaze ignites something within me.

"Excited?" Cayde questions me.

"I'm really good at eliminating Vex."

"Oh yeah. That's right. You've got all that Vex hate." He continues to steer the ship into a safe enough distance for the autopilot to take over.

"Yeah, we'll be back in less than an hour. This is simple stuff."

"You sound confident." I can't tell if he is impressed or if I should reel myself in a bit.

"Is that a bad thing?" I ask.

"No, not at all. We'll swoop in, shoot stuff, loot stuff, and call it a day."

"We don't have to hurry back do we?" My voice has a hint of sadness.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do, partner. If you want to go exploring then dammit we'll go exploring." His eyes gleam mischievously,

"Consider it a mini vacation if you want." 

****

"What type of gun suits your fancy? I brought a few extra with me. Different types. I didn't know what you'd want so I kinda just grabbed everything." He points towards the back of the ship.   
"I'll help you out in a sec. You can go ahead and scavenge through my travel armory. Once in a lifetime thing though and don't tell anyone." He shoots me a grin.

"I can handle a bag of scrap metal, Cayde." I say as I head towards one of the back rooms of the ship.

"Please don't shoot anything."  
I hear him chuckle as he turns the ship off.

I start making my way down the corridor taking in the small pieces of Cayde that are so painfully obvious throughout his ship. I smile with each one I notice. The deck of cards, there's a few paintings of guns and a magazine featuring Banshee-44 on the cover. It's actually an interesting magazine. I have a copy. I come to a stop as I notice there's two rooms. The one to my left is smaller so this must be it. I'm about to step inside when I notice the other rooms door is slightly cracked open. I take a quick glance through the door. There's a disheveled mattress laying on the floor, the blankets askew, complete with a couple thin pillows.

_Does he sleep here in his ship?_

Before I can finish thinking about a sleeping Cayde, I turn to step into the smaller room and crash against his chest.

"Lost, partner?" His voice rings throughout my body.

"Oh uh.. sorry." I stammer as I quickly replace some distance between us.

He steps into the small room, which is quite literally a mini arsenal. He instantly notices as my eyes grow wide in astonishment.

"Okay so I grabbed more than a few, but.."

"Does Zavala know you have an entire arsenal in this ship?" I interrupt him completely amazed at the selection. I step forward to run my hands along the slick metal of the weapons.

"Listen... uh we don't have to tell him. It can be our little secret. Besides it's your first mission as part of the vanguard and I wanted to make sure you'd have anything you needed." He rubs the back of his head as he watches me appreciate his selection.

"Fine with me." I smile back at him as I pick up a hand cannon and a few grenades. If I'm being completely honest, I prefer smaller guns. I lost my favorite hand cannon a long time ago and ended up creating a bow to take its place.

"This good?" I ask. He smirks and nods his head in approval.

"You're starting out to be a fine hunter." He adds.

As I'm almost ready to head out, something catches my eye in the corner of the room. It's a bow with beautiful emerald steel. Coincidence maybe?

"Ooooh. I'll take this too... ya know just in case." I add with a wink as I grab the soft metal.

"Come on, partner. I need to shoot something." Cayde growls as he motions towards the door.


	10. Chapter 10

Nessus has some beautiful scenery aside from the Vex architecture scattered throughout the place. In a way it's calming and it reminds me of a simpler time. I pull out an old map I've kept with me for a few years. I got it from a merchant before I... woke up to this life. It's faded and the edges are showing their life. I unfold the paper carefully.

"And what do we have here?" Cayde and his curiosity are hovering over my shoulder. Peering at the map.

"Uh nothing special. Well not really. This thing is old so whatever was marked on it... the prize is probably long gone." I answer him while trying to memorize the layout on the paper.

"Prize? You mean there was a cache marked on this thing?" He grows curiouser and curiouser.

"Yeah, at one point there was something here. The Vex or maybe even the Cabal got a hold of it first."

"It's worth checking out. Let's see if it's still around. Just for fun." He rests his chin on my shoulder. I pause for a split second.

"Are you trying to be annoying or cute?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"I'm never anything but cute, partner. Someday you'll learn." With that he sprints off towards a hidden crevice and I'm forced to follow his lead.

We make our way farther into the depths. Cayde took out a few Hobgoblins at the entrance, but there wasn't much of a fight. I didn't even let off a single round, but I did get to melee a Vex goblin.

Something feels off about this though. If they were barely guarding this place at the entrance then where are the rest of them? We snake our way around a curve in the cavern and the place opens up into a large area. Cayde stops in his tracks catching me off guard. I bump into him and he throws an arm out to the side as a way to keep me behind him. I peer out over his shoulder. There they are. Marching in shifts. Goblins on guard, Hobgoblins on lookout and Hydras as the sensory. There has to be close to 60 Vex in this one area.

"We're going in. Guns a blazin." He whispers.

"I've got your back. Go steal the show, Scraps."

Before Cayde even takes a step, I ready my bow and scope out the Hobgoblins. He jumps into the air and a golden aura envelopes him. I fire 6 arrows and take out the Hobgoblins in sight. Cayde pushes forward and I rush in alongside of him. We've got a better view of the area now. I pull out the hand cannon and start unloading on the Hydras and then I switch my focus to the 7 Goblins in front of me.

"You good, partner?" He calls out.

"Yeah, but there's more coming. We've gotta relocate."

"Any ideas?"

"We're gonna run towards the back of the room. There's a tunnel to the left."

I shoot the last Goblin standing in front of me and I grab Cayde's arm signaling that now is the time to book it. We're sprinting as fast as we can, but there's a Hydra we didn't take out. It gets a shot off on Cayde and I hear it hit metal as he complains.

"Cayde!"   
"It just hit my arm! I'm golden, partner!"

I jump into the air and aim at the straggling Hydra. The gun fires. Precision shot.

"Good shooting!" He calls to me.

"Thanks, partner!" I respond with my feet back on the ground.

We've made it to the small opening, but I can hear Vex farther inside. Cayde climbs up on a rocky outcrop to get a better look, but he loses footing and a few rocks fall to the ground, echoing. He's been seen. Our cover is blown.

"Looks like a party to me!" He exclaims raising his arm, ready to fire.

His arm. The arm that twitched in the ship earlier. The arm that was shot. His movement isn't fluid, he could get hurt. This could be bad.

"Cayde, no!"

"What?" He looks at me confused.

"Your arm! Don't shoot." It isn't enough.

"My arm?.. my arm is fine. Watch," He tried to aim his gun, but he can't. His arm won't straighten. It's 'locked.'

"Please, don't do anything stupid." I plead.

"I can still shoot things!" He argues back.

No, he can't. That's the thing. His aim is off, therefore it will put him in danger. His body is used to holding a gun with a certain arm, when that muscle memory gets interrupted, things change drastically. Cayde is made of metal and I am a mechanic. This makes perfect sense to me, but he refuses to listen.

"Cayde, stop!" I cry out as my feet vault me into the air. I jump on Cayde and knock him to the ground, straddling him. I grab his good arm and hold it above his head to keep him in place.

"Will you please listen to me before you get us both killed?!" I shout angrily.

"Well you definitely have my attention now." He's only a breath away from my face. I'm not sure how I missed it. The way his body felt beneath me and the fact that his free hand is resting on my hip. He may be clothed in armor, but as a man made from metal, his hips move like water. I can feel the metal beneath his clothes, but.... in so many ways he feels human. I can't explain it. I'm intrigued and I'm curious, but isn't this also a man who I have such a strong dislike for? He's an idiot! He's put us both in danger with his faulty arm.

"This isn't the time to joke!" Before my face has time to reach a peculiar shade of red, I feel white hot pain through my right side. I nearly collapse onto his chest.   
"Ughh!!" I exclaim. The pain causing the anger to stir within me.

"Phoenix!" He still can't move and I can hear Vex coming. I refuse to let him up. He's not doing anything stupid.

"Fucking heap of metal." I growl through clenched teeth as I grab the bow and fire several arrows at once. The pain intensifies. Feeding the anger even more. They're closing in fast though. I toss the bow and grab the hand cannon. Magazine is empty. Fuck.   
As I'm reloading I hear a shot go off and another familiar, white hot sensation blasts through my shoulder.

"Dammit!" I yell as I lift my wounded shoulder once again. I empty several rounds into their bodies and watch the rest of the Vex drop. I double over above Cayde's chest, cradling my shoulder.

"You took a bullet for me..." the disbelief in his voice bothers me.

"I took two bullets BECAUSE of you." I scowl at him. I'm still sitting on top of him as he raises up to meet my gaze.

"Let me see. I can bandage you up in the ship." His hand barely brushes against my collar bone as he tries to inspect my wound. I grab his hand,

"No, we have to worry about you first." His arm needs to be readjusted as soon as possible. It's going to take a lot of work. I would know.

"Well you're the mechanic." His eyes are kind, too kind. I look away but he catches my face with his hand and continues to stare. What is he doing? My heart is pounding. I inhale sharply through my teeth, the pain making each breath a severe inconvenience. I start panting... nearly gasping for air.

I quickly remove myself from his gaze and his lap.

"Bonnie!" I weakly call for her   
"Yes?" Her sweet robotic voice rescues me instantly.   
"I need you to take us back to the ship."   
"Right away, P!"   
She teleports us back onto Cayde's ship in just a few short moments. My body feels severely exhausted. I sink into the chair in the cockpit as Cayde starts up the ship.

I'm not sure of anything else. I don't remember him saying anything to me at all. I curled up in the chair and the exhaustion took over.


	11. Chapter 11

**-Cayde's POV-**

I've got the ship steady in orbit. I'm honestly in no rush to head back to the Tower. How will I face Zavala? I'm the reason she's injured... again. It was our first mission too... what if he places her with the warlocks? Or the Titans? I don't want that.

_Why does that bother me? Why am I worried about Zavala putting her with Ikora or anyone else?_

"Hey... uh, that was a good experience today. You handled yourself really well. You saved my ass," I chuckle "am I right? Glad to have you at my back you know?" Am I fucking rambling? The hell is wrong with me? I steal a glance at her. She's asleep... damn she looks so peaceful. This is very... different. Normally she's hellfire. Spunky. Somewhat of a short fuse. I can't help but to smile. I look at her again. I can't stop gazing at her. There's more to you, Phoenix. So much more. I know there is.

"That can't be comfortable.." I mutter under my breath as I reach for her. I pull her into my arms, cradling her. As I'm walking towards the back of my ship she snuggles in closer to me. I stop in my tracks.

_That's realllllyy unfair._

I continue carrying her slowly towards my room. Yes, the room she seemed so curious about earlier. Thinking about her red face when I surprised her... it brings a genuine smile to my face. She was different today. I feel like I got glimpses of who she could be if all of her pain... was gone. Dammit I'd take all of it away if I could, Phoenix. I truly would. This person I saw today... I want to see more of that. More of her. Let me help you heal or something. Shit just let me feel useful.

I lay her down on my mattress. It's really fucking sad. She doesn't deserve to be sleeping on some broken ass cushion on the floor... but it's the best I've got for right now. I quickly try to fluff up my other pillow just in case she needs it. As I cover her with the blanket she smiles. It's the happiest I've seen her. I linger by her a little longer, tuck her raven hair behind her ear. She's a beautiful woman. Dangerous, broken even, but extremely beautiful.

_She was on top of me less than 20 minutes ago. Fuck._

I hold my face in my hand. She actually saved our lives. I'm a fucking idiot. She was injured because of me. She took a bullet... TWO bullets for me. I really need to dress her wounds, but she's sleeping. She may look peaceful, but if I go to dress her wounds and she kills me... I'll never live that shit down. I have to though. She may not admit it, but she'd do it for me.

I gather some gauze from my emergency cabinet. I really thought of everything I should get an award or something. Gauze is something that I, myself don't need obviously. Screws? Yeah, sure. 

I hurry back to the woman in my bed. Her soft breathing causing my thin blanket to rise and fall with her chest. I kneel down next to her, carefully watching her.

_Please don't hurt me. Please don't be mad. I'm doing this to help you._

I repeat this multiple times before even touching her. Let's face it, she's a ticking time bomb. At just the right moment she rolls onto her back.

_Alright. One less terrifying obstacle to overcome right now._

I'm trying to get to her shoulder as quietly as I can without disturbing her at all. This is the trickiest game I've played. I have to move her long hair out of the way. Are my hands shaking? I think they're shaking. I brush her hair out of the way, gently grazing her neck by accident. She grabs my hand and holds it to her chest while letting out a soft, sleepy moan.

_Come on Cayde stay focused my man._

I continue watching her. Trying to anticipate the anger that's to come. Her lips part slightly and she's making quiet sounds. Her brows furrow. I think she's dreaming. She squeezes my hand tighter, never moving it from her chest. Does she talk in her sleep?

_Say my name. Say my name..._

"Dax..."

Her husband... that fucking bastard. I damn near forgot about him. Well... I was hopeful for a moment. Before I could finish pondering on the evil he had bestowed upon her all those years ago, her blood curdling scream echoed throughout my ship.


	12. Chapter 12

I'm awake in an instant. My entire body is shaking and sore. I'm scared. Terrified. I hate those dreams... nightmares. I hate them so damn much. I'm still trying to catch my breath when I take in my surroundings.

Cayde's room. Cayde's bed. How did I get here? Did he carry me here? That's... really sweet of him...

"Phoenix, are you alright?" He's worried and he's kneeling down beside me. I look into his eyes, just searching.

"How long have I been asleep? Are we back at the tower? I need to repair your arm." I'm still visibly shaken.

"Hey, hey... it's okay. You're safe with me."

_'You're safe with me.' Huh. I haven't felt safe in a long time, Cayde, but right now... you're all I've got._

"I can repair your arm and everything in my room once we get back." I'm trying to focus on anything else. Those dreams are just... too real. They take their toll.

"Look, don't worry about me. You're wounded let me patch ya up before you even think about me. Okay? I'm going to get you something to drink real quick. I'll be right back." He starts to move to his feet, but I grab his arm.

"No! Please stay!" My hands are wrapped tightly around his arm and my voice shakes. Nails digging into the leather armor. "I... I'm fine I'm not thirsty..." I look away from him.

It takes a moment before he says anything.   
"Will you let me look at your wounds? Please. I kinda owe you." He shrugs with that last statement.

"Can't Bonnie fix them? Or something?" I complain. I cross my arms and give him a half pout. My shoulder is extremely sore, but it's the shot I took to my stomach that really bites.

"Okay..." I finally agree. I start trying to unhook my tattered cloak, but I can't manage with just one hand. The injuries have truly exhausted me to the core. I'm still tired.

"Here, let me." I give in. His hands have already freed the clasp. I reach up to unzip the small vest that I wear, but he pushes my hand away.

"I've got it, Phoenix. For once... just trust me." We lock eyes for a second as I try to figure out his voice. Is it agitation? Apologetic? Frustration?

He unzips the vest quickly and makes it to the bullet wound.

_Thank god I wear something under this vest. It may be the thinnest shirt I have, but it serves its purpose and it's comfortable. If I wasn't wearing it right now... well, let's just say that I definitely wouldn't be comfortable._

I was too busy locked away in my room during my self wallowing fit to even think about acquiring armor from the vanguard. In all honesty it was stupid. Childish. I think a part of me wanted to hold on to the last bit of the past I had with me, but the wounds are worse than they would have been with actual armor.

"Ya know we're going to have to get you some gear. Top priority once we get back." It's like he's reading my thoughts. I look at him quizzically.

"Our first priority is to get you repaired, Scraps." I smirk. It sounds like he clears his throat before going back to the vest.

His hands are gentle, I wasn't expecting that from him. He cleans the wound swiftly and throws some gauze over it. I hadn't realized that he had placed pieces of tape on his horn for quick access. He reaches for one and tapes the bandage to my shoulder. I laugh at him. I enjoy comical Cayde quite a bit.

Next is this hole in my stomach. My hands shake as I raise my shirt to give him access. He props the pillows up behind me in order for me to recline back.

"This isn't gonna tickle, partner." He warns. The cold liquid burns my flesh. My only guess is that this isn't the same grade of antibacterial medical supplies I kept back home. This shit is cauterizing on the spot. I gasp and bite the knuckle of one of my fingers. He's quick with dressing this wound too, but his hands linger. This isn't the first time I've been shot. Now, his fingers are tracing scars from the past. I close my eyes tightly.

"This one? Was this Zavala?" He questions, his hands still gentle and his eyes are still kind.

I reach up to grab the extra piece of tape from his horn and I smile softly at him,  
"Yeah, that's the one from Zavala. If you want I'll let you count all of the scars from my past sometime." That last part was more of a joke. I hope he caught on.

"Do you still hate him?" His question threw me for a moment.

"Zavala?" I ask.

"Yeah..." He's honestly curious.

I thought about it for a moment.

"I can't hate a man who made an honest mistake, Cayde." I reassure him. Cayde may not admit it to me or to anyone for that matter, but his friends in the vanguard mean a lot to him. I can see it.

He looks off in thought for a moment, I can tell he's trying to piece things together without prying too deep.   
"Well lets go see him. Give him a mission briefing and all that jazz." He gives me a thumbs up and I scramble to my feet.

****the Tower****

I rush in to see Zavala and Ikora around the table. Cayde is quick on my heels.

"It was a success! Vex were eliminated." He blurts,  
"and damn she's fast." He adds as he rests his hands on the table and pants.

"You don't have lungs, Cayde. Is that really necessary?" As soon as I ask he straightens up and I hear Ikora and Zavala chuckle together.

"Apparently you both ran into a problem or... two?" Ikora raises a brow as her gaze falls on my newly patched wounds.

Fuck. I didn't even think about putting my vest back on. They can see the bandages through my shirt. I rub my hand over my face and scratch my forehead.

"Nothing major." I reassure them.

"Cayde, you got her injured again." Zavala becomes stern.

"I... uh .. well.. first mission ya know?" Cayde stammers.

"Cayde, if you can't handle her as your partner and if you guys don't work well together in the field, I'm going to have to step in." Zavala's voice rests on both of us. Seemingly though, Zavala's suggestion is heavier on Cayde.

"Ah Zavala it'll be fine! We'll get into the swing of things! We just gotta adjust."

I stay quiet. Zavala looks at me, then to the bandage on my stomach. He sighs and looks towards the floor.

"I'm sorry, Cayde. I have to do what's best for the vanguard." He folds his hands behind his back and looks sternly at Cayde.

"Zavala, please..." is Cayde begging?

"It's not Cayde's fault." All eyes are on me. I continue,

"Back when Cayde was testing my abilities so rudely," I shoot him a glare for the hell of it, "I uh, I really did a number on him." I look to Zavala and halfway hide a grin.

"Phoenix did mention that Cayde would be there for a while. She said herself it would be tedious work." Ikora interjected.

"So how do we fix our favorite hunter?" Zavala asks me.

"You still consider him your favorite hunter? Really?" I say as I motion to myself.

"Well look at me! I'm the best." Cayde nonchalantly adds. I roll my eyes at him,

"Didn't I just save your ass? Sit down. I'll tell Amanda to bring some oil for your creaky ass arm if you keep it up, Scraps."

Cayde sits down at the table and nods his head in agreement. "She did save my ass. Big time."

"So what's going on with your arm?" Ikora questions him.

"Ask the mechanic. All I know is that my arm locked up at the worst fucking moment." Cayde points to me.

"Few screws loose." I joke.

Zavala bursts into laughter and all of us look at him in disbelief.

"Few screws loose," he explains "it's funny because Cayde is an idiot most of the time but he's also an exo." His smile is bright. I've never seen this side of Zavala.

"I can fix him up if that's okay with you. If I can't fix him I'll just have to turn him into that lamp after all."

"We'll leave him in your hands." Ikora says with a kind smile.

Cayde gets up from the table and waves at his two friends.   
"Come on, partner. Let's fix me up."

I waver for a moment.   
"Uh Cayde I'll catch up with you in a bit. I need to speak to Zavala about something." Zavala raises his head to look at me, Ikora seems just as surprised. Cayde, however... is damn near shocked.

"Uh... do you need backup?" He whispers to me, loud enough for them to hear.

"No, Cayde. I'll be fine." I shake my head at his joke.

"Alright partner. Catch ya in a bit." With that he leaves and my eyes are back on Zavala.


	13. Chapter 13

I slowly take a seat close to Zavala. He's looking at me curiously. I have no idea where to start, honestly. Ikora comes to sit with us.

"Cayde made me realize something earlier today."

They both look at me.

"I don't... hate you, Zavala. I can't hate someone who made an honest mistake. In all seriousness, my hatred for you wasn't mine to begin with."

"Who's hatred was it then?" His voice is stern again, which intimidates me. I won't lie.

"Dax... he beat that hatred into me. The only thing I ever hated about you, Zavala..." he's waiting patiently for my answer. "Is that you missed your target."

Zavala's eyes fall back to his hands on the table. He realizes the weight I've been carrying all these years and for this moment it seems like he's carrying it too.

"I'm sorry, Phoenix. I wish I would've killed him too." He places his hand on mine and it's a great comfort to me. Ikora notices.

"Is he still out there, Phoenix?" She asks me.

"No." My voice is dry. I hate talking about him.

"So.. you?" Zavala starts to ask.

"Yes. It was me." I tell him.

Zavala breathes a long sigh and resumes a standing position.

"I'm sorry, Phoenix. I'm sorry that you couldn't live the life you wanted because of me. If I had took that shot sooner.."

"Don't do that to yourself, Zavala. I've been doing that to myself for years. It's not a pretty path to take." I look at him seriously.

He gets up without saying anything and walks towards his desk.

"I got you something a long time ago. Never got the chance to give it to you." He starts rummaging beneath the desk.

"You got me a gift?" I ask surprised.

"I kept up with you through the years. Heard you got pretty good with one of these, so here." Zavala has made his way back to me and I almost couldn't believe the gift he's holding in his outstretched hands. I carefully take it from him.

It's a well made bow. Strong and lightweight. It's embezzled with amethyst steel. I catch my breath as I look down at the riser. There's an iris engraved next to the sight window. That's the best motivation to kick ass, but Zavala never knew her name.

"Thank you so much." I say with tears in my eyes as I hug Zavala tightly.

"Have you missed the bow that much?" Bless this man, he really has no idea.

"You never asked her name." He looks down at me as if he's waiting for the answer.

I point to the flower engraved on the bow. "Iris. Her name was Iris." I smile as a tear escapes and trickles down my cheek. Poor Zavala is speechless. He doesn't know what to say so I guess I'll give him an out.

"You said you were keeping up with me through the years... so why did you think that joining the vanguard was what would be best for me now?" It's an honest question.

"You were in danger." He says.

"What's after me?" I ponder curiously.

"You." He states dryly.

"Uh what?"

"You were too close to losing yourself, your humanity. So I intervened."

"You're always trying to save the ones that don't want to be saved." I joke.

_He's been trying to save me this entire time. I owe this man a lot._

"Well I've gotta go fix your favorite hunter." I smirk at him as I make my way towards the door.

"Just don't kill him on purpose!" He calls to me with a chuckle.

"No promises big guy!" I answer.

Ikora catches up to me outside which catches me off guard.   
"Phoenix can I speak with you for a minute?" I nearly scream. Fuck she's stealthy.

"Uh yeah sure. What's up?"

She starts fidgeting with her hands.   
"Ikora just talk to me. Don't be afraid to ask me something." I try reassuring her.

"I know you've got a past. A past that kills you daily." She's looking me dead in the eye,  
"Have you ever told anyone all of it? Even the parts you've been leaving out?"

I swallow hard. Straight to it huh Ikora?

"The details are the hardest part, Ikora. I have no idea how to talk about them."

"Maybe you should try."   
I look away from her.

"What are you getting at?"

"Zavala put you and Cayde together for a reason. He may seem like an idiot sometimes, but I assure you he's not." She smiles kindly.

"You want me to trust the robot?" I ask blankly.

"He is your partner." She laughs, but then she looks at me sternly,  
"He's got his own past too, Phoenix."

"I can tell there's something more to him. He hides it well behind his jokes." I admit.

"You both are the same in that aspect. Only he jokes and you kinda just..."

"I'm insulting." I laugh.

"Just a bit." She agrees shyly.

"It's just a survival thing for me. I'm trying to make a better effort, Ikora."

"I know you are. Now, go fix our favorite robot." We both laugh together and I say goodbye.

I do really have to fix him up, but first I need to gather some supplies.

**

The sun is starting to set on the city beyond the tower. It's beautiful. The dying rays melt against the buildings in an elegant red orange light. It's tranquil as I walk to the hangar. I'm mentally making a list of supplies I'll need for Cayde.

"Hey you, how'd your mission go?" I hear Amanda, but I don't see her.

"Uh.. for the most part it went well," I start looking around for my blonde mechanic friend, "there were a few kinks though."

"Oh? Cayde do something stupid?" She comes around from a monitor in the back with an inquisitive look on her face.

I had to giggle at that. Couldn't resist.

"In his defense.... it wasn't entirely his fault."

"So you're defending him now?" She raises her brow to me and grins.

I roll my eyes.   
"They didn't exactly repair him when I..."

"When you tore him apart?"

"Yeah.. that." I bite my inner cheek as I think about how to repair my partner.

"Take what you need. I've always got supplies." She shrugs.

I start looking through everything and trying to make sure I grab all that I need. This will be a very long night.

I've got towels, oil, wiring, screws, screwdrivers, and some smaller tools.   
Amanda comes to look it over and she grabs the bottle of oil. It was the highest quality.

"You came down here for lube? So it's a date right?" She jokes with me.

"Amanda! No, it's definitely NOT a date. He's my partner. I owe him." My face is hot. It has to be on fire.

"And what do you owe him? Thought you were the one that saved his ass?" She eyes me mischievously.

 _Dammit. She has a point_.

"You told me to be a damn good partner to him, remember?" I shoot back with a mischievous grin.

"Alright, alright. You're right I did say that."   
We both laugh.

"I still can't even believe you went as far as to say I came down here for lube..." My mouth gapes in embarrassing disbelief. She pats me on the back.

"Bonnie, I need to speak to Cayde." I'm still shaking my head at Amanda.

"Hey, hey partner. Where you at? Do you need me to meet you at your place or did you wanna meet somewhere else?" My eyes grow wide when I hear what he says, knowing that Amanda can hear.

"It's totally a date." She mouths to me.

"Hiya Cayde!" She shouts towards Bonnie.

"Amanda? You guys are in the hangar? I can meet you down there and we can head to your place afterwards, partner. Be there in a bit." I'm hiding my face in my hands. I don't even respond, there's no point.

"Guardian, your heart rate is rising rapidly." Bonnie brags to Amanda and I.

"It's Amanda's fault! She embarrassed me."

Amanda is laughing. It's a hard laugh, a good belly ache kind of laugh. I can't help but to laugh with her.

"Well aren't you ladies just having a good time." Cayde chimes in.

"Fucking save me." I say to Amanda between our laughter.

"That was real fast, Cayde. Almost too fast." She says to him.

"Really? By the looks of it I should've been here a hell of a lot sooner." He looks back and forth between us.

I start looking at the supplies once more to make sure I do have everything while I clear my throat and try to compose myself. I grab a small bag from under the work bench and put everything inside.

"Hey! Take good care of him, Phoenix! I've gotta run. Catch y'all later."

I wave to her and start walking towards Cayde. Apparently he starts walking towards me too because I bump into him. Again. A few things fall out of the bag, but Cayde quickly picks them up.

"I'll carry this. You ready partner?" I nod my head and we start walking back to my room in perfect silence.


	14. Chapter 14

I open the door to my room and smile to myself as I hear Cayde shuffle inside behind me. Our walk back was quiet, he didn't really say much. I enjoyed his company although a few quirks from him would've calmed this tension dramatically.

He closes the door behind me, still seeming somewhat awkward. I look back to him.

"Make yourself at home, Cayde. I'm gonna fix up some food real quick. Would you like a drink?" I do my best to settle my nerves as well.

"Yeah I can use a drink." He answers me as he takes a seat at my table. Bag still in hand.

"Just throw it on the table, I've gotta go look and see what supplies I already have." I tell him as I rummage through my cabinets. "I've actually never worked on a functioning robot before." I hear a slight chuckle from him and look over my shoulder at him before I start filling a pot with water.

"So what are ya feeding me?" His eyes gleam at me. It finally feels like he's loosening up a bit.

"Just ramen. I used to fix it all the time at home."

"Ramen?! What kind? Is it spicy ramen? I love spicy ramen. I know this ramen shop in town and they have the BEST ramen." He rambles on about it for a minute which I find endearing.

"I throw in some beef and pork. Fried egg occasionally, but there's always spice." I smirk at him. He gestures dramatically as if he's in heaven.

"And why would a man ever give you up? You could fix me ramen every night and I could die a happy man." I giggle at his excitement.

"Ramen does seem to fix everything doesn't it? However, I've never cooked for a man." He seems baffled by my response, but he doesn't push his questions. I place the water on the stove and proceed to get two glasses down. Filling them to the brim with my favorite whiskey.

"What is it?" I ask him as I hand him his drink.

"Whiskey?! You're supposed to repair me. How are you going to repair me if you start seeing double?" He takes a sip.

I take a long, quenching drink, and I never take my eyes off him.   
"Double the Vi͏s͏io͏n, double the holes, double the screws." I wink and finish my glass.

Cayde quickly catches up so I refill both of our drinks with the bottle I brought back to the table.

"I'm gonna go see what supplies I have. I'll just be right in here." I say as I walk to my bedroom. I instantly start looking through my supplies that I keep in a locked box under my bed. It's been a while since I've opened this box. I'm instantly greeted with a drawing Iris had done for me one day while I was working on building her a night light.

_Damn I really miss you._

"You need to hang that up somewhere." I snap my head around to see Cayde leaning against the doorframe to my room, glass in hand. There's almost a somber expression on his face.

"Lost, Partner?" I grin as I grab the entire box and head back towards the table. He chuckles and lets me by, but I brush against him.

"So you said something earlier that doesn't quite make sense to me." He says as he follows me.

_Here we go._

"Shoot." I wait for him to continue and I set the box down and grab my glass.

"You said you had never cooked for a man, but aren't you married? Or something?"

_So he wants to know about Dax. The grand idiot of my past._

"Was." I correct him as I place the rest of the ingredients for the ramen into the pot.

"Oh, Cayde." Bonnie coos as she comes to float in front of him. I laugh as I watch Cayde's curiosity increase.

"What?!" He exclaims.   
"I'm just trying to piece it together."

"It's gonna be a long night for you, Phoenix." Bonnie jokes.

"Oh, Bonnie you don't want to fill him in on that story?" I ask lightheartedly.

"She lost a bet." Was her only response.

"Well, Bonnie with you filling me in it looks like the night will be over before it even starts." Cayde says sarcastically.

"and a bet? You lost a bet?" He directs towards me.

"Yeah, first bet I ever took seriously," I come back to the table and take a seat. Glass half full.   
"It wasn't a shining moment for me." I raise a playful brow at him.

He takes a seat at the end of the table and pulls the bottle of whiskey closer to him so he can refill his glass again. He shakes it at me   
"You're gonna have to catch up, partner. And I need more context to this bet of yours." He winks.

"There was this merchant I used to go to quite often. He'd let me know of some good spots to hit. Every once in a while I'd bet him some glimmer. We'd bet on how many chests were in a lost sector, small stuff like that." I finish my glass and push it towards him so he can refill it as I continue,  
"One day this faithful merchant decided to raise the stakes. Now, I'd never lost our bets before so I was feeling confident. He gives me a location, I give him a number. I say there will be 4 chests in this place. However, if there were 3 or 5 chests I was out. I'd lost the bet and I had to marry Dax. Turns out.. there were 7."

"So you had to marry him? Why him?"

"Dax was a scientist that I worked closely with. He was a genius in science and I was a genius mechanic. We used to put our heads together for different projects."

Cayde is quiet for a moment.   
"Did you love him?"

The question throws me off and I take a sip.   
"Hell no. He didn't love me either." I smile as I reach for Cayde's arm.

"Wait a minute. So you married a guy you didn't love because you lost a bet. He didn't grow to love you? He didn't try at least?" His eyes are peering deep into mine.

"He never tried. I never cared. I was off scavenging and he was doing his sciency shit. It worked out." I shrug as I start to fiddle with Cayde's sleeve. It's too damn tight. I need his whole arm.

"You married a fucking idiot." He sternly says as he takes off his armor for me.   
I laugh, but as I watch Cayde smoothly take off the cloak and chest piece, I feel something burn deep within me.

"Yeah I figured that out. Which is why he's no longer in the picture." I clear my throat and fumble with the supplies I tried reaching for.

"You good partner? Not gonna blackout on me are you?" He saw me clumsily fumble for those damn supplies.

_Am I that damn obvious??_

"I'm not even buzzed, Scraps. Whiskey just takes the ache away." I Grab a small screwdriver. I honestly have no idea what I'm in for.

"That's how alcoholics happen." He chuckles as he watches me.

"Not the emotional ache. Already tried that. Let's just say I'm an achy person and leave it at that." I pull his arm closer to me, but this angle isn't going to work. I start to crawl up on the table.

"Partner, what the fuck are you doing?" Cayde seems shocked as he announces every syllable in his sentence.   
I sit down on the table in front of him and motion for him to give me his arm which he does.

"I work better this way, just trust me." Our eyes lock for a minute. I quickly look away to start figuring out where I should start.

"Damn robots and all your parts." I say under my breath as my hand glides along his damaged arm.

"That's something I've been meaning to ask you." I can feel him staring at me. I grab a smaller tool to loosen his arm at the shoulder and to loosen the part at the elbow. My nerves are still quite shaken from watching him remove his clothing.... for me.

"What's that?" I ask him as I'm reaching for the oil and a few of the towels in the bag.

"Why do you hate robots?" His voice seems sad, bothered. I look back to his metallic face. I look over the plate work and then back to his bright blue eyes.

"I don't hate them, Cayde. I envy them."


	15. Chapter 15

"Why?" He gazes into my eyes and I know he wants an honest answer, but this is the part of me that's so hard to explain. I'm not even sure Cayde will understand.

"They're numb. They don't feel that emotional pain. They don't feel anything. Completely immune to human touch." He looks away from me for what feels like an eternity. I go back to working on his arm carefully, trying to shake the fact that Cayde may see me entirely different after tonight.

 _Dammit. He doesn't get it. No one does_.

"I had a family." His voice is distant. I watch his features for a moment before I go back to working on his arm. I don't pry. I know how hard it is. I don't want to force it out of him. If he wants to talk about it I'll let him. I use the wire to push a broken piece out of his shoulder.

"There was a woman and a kid. All I know is that I called him 'Ace.' But I had it. I had a gambling problem too. Ya see, I used to be flesh and bone just like you. I was human."

"someone... experimented on you?" I just said I didn't want to pry. Fuck, but he used to be human? How does that even work.

"I had a bounty on my head and a lot of debt. Guy said if I did this for him, all debts would be cleared. Ya see, my human essence was stored in this metal frame." His voice is still distant and he hasn't looked at me. I would know because I haven't stopped staring at him.

"The memory comes and goes in fragments. I'm losing the memory. I'm losing that piece of the past. I don't want to lose it, but I feel it slipping away with each time the light brings me back."

So his human essence is inside of his metal frame... he gave up a human body for a metal one.

 _I underestimated you, Cayde_.

"I wish my memory was in fragments. I wish I could lose some of the details." I take the oil across the metal of his arm and clean around the crease with a towel.

"But do you honestly believe that, Phoenix? Do you really wish you could forget her?"

"Cayde...." Bonnie starts up.

"No, Bonnie, I'm not pushing her. I'm just asking."

He has a point. A very valid point. I don't want to forget her. I'd never want that. I just wish I could forget her death. The way I held her.

"I don't want to forget my daughter, Cayde. I would never want that..."

"Then what is it that you don't want to feel? Give me the dirt, Phoenix. I'm your partner. I won't let anything hurt you. Not even your past."

I take a shaky breath and I swallow hard.

"I remember vividly how she died..."

"Phoenix..." Bonnie's voice is quiet, but welcome.

I look from Bonnie to Cayde.   
"It's a long story, Cayde."

"I'm gonna be here all night anyways."

I give him a soft, broken smile and I clear my throat.

_This isn't going to be easy.. I hope you're ready._

"When Zavala shot me, Dax was outraged. He kept saying there would be something wrong with the baby. Iris didn't talk much. Dax blamed that on Zavala. Which caused me to hate Zavala. That hatred was beat into me daily." I steal glances at Cayde while I still figure out the challenge his arm is presenting. So far I believe I've got him fixed up pretty good.   
"Iris was... she was close to me... she always ran to me whenever I got home. She'd say 'mommy! Miss you,' she talked to me. She spoke to ME." I felt my voice getting firmer, agitated. "She never spoke to Dax. She stayed away from him mostly. I should've known then..." the silence weighed on us. I didn't want to continue.. but something told me I should.   
"Dax started obsessing with more science. Some of it was kinda... weird. I never pieced it together. He was obsessed with the Vex. One day he tells me that Iris is getting sick, he needed to help her since she was his daughter, but he told me that I'd have to stay away until he figured out what the virus was..." I stop everything and I'm staring off into the room. I'm looking at nothing, but I'm there... in the past. Surrounded by my misery.   
"He separated us.... experimented on us... for weeks maybe months. He manipulated us so much. 'Just a few more sessions and you'll be together just like old times. We'll be a family.' I wanted to believe he was only torturing me...." I clench my jaw trying to fight back the tears I know are coming. "He gave her the virus. Some kinda strain mixed with the essence of the Vex." I look down at my hands.

"That's why you hate the Vex..." Cayde's gaze is burning through me.

"I couldn't handle being away from her anymore so I waited until he left one day. I broke out of his lab if you even want to call it that. I called her name over and over..." I feel the wetness glaze down my face. "I found her... tossed in a room. He tortured her too... she was missing a hand, and her arm, also a part of her leg. He'd replaced them with parts from Vex... I cradled her in my arms. Begging for the universe to give me back the only thing I'd ever loved...I'm a mechanic, I tried to figure out how to make her okay..." I look over to Cayde, he's staring down at his glass. He's so... still. "I was supposed to protect her, Cayde... she just wanted to see me again... I failed her because I let him manipulate me. I believed him.. blindly. He had tossed her in a room like she was nothing!" My voice broke. I'm shattered again. "He took her from me and let her die believing she'd see me again!"

I'm instantly wrapped in Cayde's arms. He's holding me as if he's trying to keep the pieces from crumbling. I'm sobbing onto the blue metal of his shoulder as he runs his robotic hand through my hair.

"Just give me the word, Phoenix... let me kill this sick bastard for doing this to you." His voice is deeper than usual as he rests his chin on my head.   
"I'd take great pleasure in taking him out."

I look up at him with tears heavy in my eyes.   
"You're too late."

Cayde puts his hands on both sides of my face and stares at me intently.   
" after I buried my daughter, Dax came home. I shoved a Vex dagger I had made through the bottom of his chin and up through his skull. He should've died instantly, but he didn't. I relished in his suffering. I think I even laughed as he bled to death ." My voice is cold. Wicked. I break free from Cayde's embrace and fetch two bowls from the cabinet.

"Bonnie..." I hear Cayde talking to her while I fill the bowls with ramen.

"It's a tragic story, Cayde. I've watched her break like this for years." She floats in front of him.

"How can I help her? What can I do?" He seems hopeless with his whispers.

"Stay. Stay with her. Hold her when she breaks, Cayde. Because I never could." Bonnie's voice comforts me and I'm truly thankful I had her with me all those years.

I join Cayde back at the table. I smile as I hand him the bowl of ramen. "Here, now I can say I've finally cooked for a man." I add a wink.

The smile he gave me was something I'll never forget.


	16. Chapter 16

I can already see the sun coming up through the windows. I didn't realize how much time has passed since he's been here.

"This ramen is so good. How long did you say you'd been fixing this?" Cayde says with a mouthful of food.

"I started fixing it when I was young, but Iris really enjoyed it too. So it's been a thing for a while now." I smile at him and carefully take another drink. I'm finally starting to feel the effects of the alcohol or maybe it's just the exhaustion. I'm resting my weight on my arms, holding my glass with both hands. Apparently the silence weighed on Cayde after a while.

"What is it, partner?" He questions me.

I glance over at him with tired eyes.   
"Just lost in my thoughts. I think I've got you pretty fixed though." I end with a grin.

He tests out his arm and rolls his shoulder.

"Well it definitely feels better." He concludes.

"The hospital rushed it, granted they weren't really equipped to handle the kinda mess I can make. They didn't bother taking care of the plate work before trying to attach it. Really all you needed was new attachment protocol and a cleanup. All that gunpowder and dirt can wreck metal over time." I notice him staring at me as I give him the synopsis.

"You really are a great mechanic." He admits. I smile at him, but I'm short on words.

"So I've got another question..." he starts up.

"You're going to get a very drunken answer." I laugh.

"Feelin' it now, partner?" He jests.

"You could say that." I answer.

He chuckles and then ponders over his glass for a minute.   
"How long after the.... incident... had it been before Bonnie woke you up?" He stole quick glances at me, but he didn't linger. Bonnie makes a soft, somber sound.

I bite my lip in anticipation.   
"3 days. See, Bonnie and I didn't start out as such good friends, Cayde. I hated her. I hated her for waking me up, because.... well I was the one who put myself to sleep. I hoped and I prayed it'd last forever. It was after I had visited Iris's grave. I went back in the house and I...." I trail off. There's no point in those details.

"You killed yourself." Cayde's voice brings me back to the present.

"Yeah... I always figured that my punishment for taking the easy way out... was being brought back with a fucking elephants memory." I give him a lighthearted chuckle to try and lift the mood. My death never bothered me.

"Phoenix, you're an amazing fighter, you're great with a gun and even with a bow." These compliments are great coming from him... but I can feel something coming.

"You're a storm that shouldn't be messed with. I've only got one piece of advice." I'm waiting for him to bring it on home. I swallow hard.

"Every mission is not a suicide mission. Don't get me wrong, when you fight like you've got nothing to lose... you can be deadly. Fatal. Just...." He looks me straight in the eyes, "you gotta find something to lose."

I take in what he says. I take it to heart. I understand what he's saying completely. If I keep fighting like I don't give a shit if I make it out or not, I'll inevitably put him in danger too. It's reckless.

"Cayde..." I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to make him understand it, but he's going to wait on an answer. I know that much.

"I've held on to the past so tightly that... it's suffocated me a few times. I miss her so damn much... her laughter... the way she'd wrap her arms around my neck, hold my hand with her tiny hands, and the way she'd curl up next to me at night before bed." I feel the tears sting my eyes again, but I push on,  
"We used to wade in the shallow waters of the river in the EDZ. She'd search and search for the smoothest of stones buried in the wet sand. Then she'd run to the hillside and she'd wait for me to chase after her. We'd pick flowers together. Always purple Irises." I smile as I remember how her face lit up all those years ago. Cayde notices.

"What else?" His voice is soft and he reaches for my hand. He brushes his thumb across my skin. He can tell that this is hard.

I try to swallow the pain, but it's found me again.   
"We'd sit on the hill to watch the sunset. Sometimes she'd even sing with me. She loved singing so much... without her... I lost everything. I lost every bit of myself when I found her body... I couldn't sing, I couldn't laugh, I couldn't even smile. Anything that was positive made me angry. It made me feel so guilty because she wasn't next to me, sharing the days with me. I'm empty, Cayde. I'm so empty." I can only make out the piercing blue of his eyes, but it's a blur. I'm drunk and crying.

_I'm just a fucking mess._

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, partner. If I could take it all away for you I would. Instead of hanging on to the past just hang on to the memory of her. Of Iris. You can't change what happened no matter how much you want to, but you know what?" I can hear determination in his voice with a hint of its own sadness.

"You _can_ remember her. You _can_ fight for the memory of her laughter, and the way she loved you. It doesn't have to make you empty. Let it make you strong."

 _Cayde... you're breaking my drunken heart_.

"Enough about me, Scraps. What about you?" I know I avoided answering him, but I was honestly curious about him. I've seen a new side to Cayde and... I want to know more.

"I don't have much of a story. Like I said, I can't remember every part of it."

"What's the rest of the story? I've given you all my dirt. You know my deepest darkest secrets now." I give him a big smile and take another drink.

"Uh well... I didn't remember anything when I first woke up on the table. Honestly I felt totally alone. I didn't know who I was, I was terrified. I was basically running through all of these emotions at once and it was overwhelming..." as he starts to fill me in on all of his gaps, I pour him another one. He just looks at the glass and swirls the dark liquid around as he tries to find the words for the rest of his tale.

"I had a journal on me. That's when I found out about having a family. That's when I found out about Ace and his mother. I didn't have faces to go with them at first. That came later. Like I said before, my memory was very fragmented. I had dreams about them... the dreams started coming more often and then I'd see her face..." he takes a drink, but I can't help to watch his entire aura change.

"Your wife? You guys were in love?"

"Every time I saw her face this strong feeling of happiness would wash over me. I held onto that feeling. I held onto it for a very long time. I would write to Ace in my journal. I still do it to this day. I told him that I'd find him... but he probably wouldn't recognize me because... well I would be an exo." His voice goes dry and I can hear a hint of pain.

"Ace.... is he still?" I don't want to imagine Cayde going through what I went through.

"Nah... it happened a long time ago, but they're both gone. I keep Ace with me though. He's always close by." He pulls out his hand cannon and proudly shows it to me.

"You're a good man, Cayde. I know that you gave up your human body for them. To protect them in some way." I've completely got his attention. He's looking up at me with such wonder.

"You good at reading people too, Phoenix? This is looking like a hell of a partnership already." I welcome his laughter as I reach for his gun.

"May I?" I ask permission before touching the hand cannon. I know it must mean a lot to him. He nods and pushes it towards me.

"It's my pride and joy." He smirks.

The metal is pristine. It's gorgeous.

"It feels really good. Not too light, good grip. I could see why you enjoy it so much." I smile as I notice the spade on the barrel.

"Did Zavala have this made for you?" I ponder. Cayde bursts into laughter.

"Zavala? Making something for me? No."

"He got me a gift." He eyes me curiously.

"Seriously?! I'm his favorite hunter and he's never gotten me anything! What'd he get you?" I smile at Cayde's grand gestures of disbelief.

"A bow. I may have even cried a little." I tease him.

"Oh what the fuck? I'm gonna have to talk to him."

It feels good to laugh with Cayde.

"Say whatever you need to say to him, Scraps. I don't think you're the favorite anymore." I bite my lip and wink at him.

"Now you're just being mean." He lands a playful punch against my arm.

I get up to take our bowls to the kitchen. As I'm walking towards the sink I nearly stumble.

I hear chuckling right behind me. I'm trying to clear my vision as I place the bowls in the sink. As I turn around I'm face to face with Cayde. I wasn't expecting him to be that close. I stumble again but he helps to hold me up.

He hasn't put his chest piece back on. I'm enthralled by the gorgeous metallic blue plate work and the way the black gives you a window to his essence as it glows. I run my hand from his chest to his rib. Taking in the masterwork that is, Cayde-6.

"You're drunk, partner." His voice is husky. It's new.

"Very." I simply answer him as I'm too entranced with his metal frame. After a long moment I look up into his face.

"Let me lay you down." His voice is still husky. I feel my heart start to pound through my chest. My face is warm, but my lips are numb. The way he said it... the words he chose...

"You need rest. Here let me take you to bed." He clears his throat and corrects his intentions.

"It's dark though. I'm drunk. It's sooo dark in there." I try to focus on anything else. I can't pay any mind to what my body wants from Cayde tonight.

"Guess its a good thing I glow. Do ya need that lamp too?" He gives me a playful smirk as we head towards my bedroom.

"You wanna be in my room that bad, Scraps?" I grin at him as we make it to my bedroom door.

He scoffs dejectedly, but he returns a sly grin. We walk a few steps to my bed.

"Only if you want me to stay."

 _Damn this man. Damn him and his smooth ass words. I'm drunk and weak. I can't do this_.

"You need rest too." I tell him as he helps me into bed. He pulls the blankets over me. I snuggle in. It feels amazing.

"I'll get rest. Don't worry about me." Before he heads out the door, I rush to grab his hand.

"Wait..." I manage.   
"Thank you, partner." I smile sleepily at him. He hesitates for a second, but he nods and then let's go of my hand. I watch him leave before sleep finds me.


	17. Chapter 17

**-Cayde's POV-**

I notice the warmth of the sun as it makes its way into the city. I start walking home, but I can't get her out of my head. Ever since I met that woman she's been programmed permanently into my whole damn being. She wasn't lying when she said it'd take a lot of tedious work. Phoenix is a damn good mechanic too. My arm feels brand new.

Her ramen was fucking fantastic. Where the hell was this woman hiding in the EDZ?! Maybe I could ask her to fix it for me again... would she find it weird? It's just ramen.

_People say the same thing about coffee..._

I welcome these metal catwalks and the sound of my shoes against the grates. I'm taking a shortcut home. After being with her... I need to let off some steam before I do something really stupid. I make my way through an opening into a vent. Jumping and climbing, I guess that'll have to do for now.

I've made my way home. I hesitate to open my own door. Suddenly saddened by the fact that I'll be alone here. I've been alone since I woke up. No woman, no Ace. Just me.

_...do I want her here? With me?_

Maybe I do... I like being around her. I love seeing Phoenix when glimpses of her past give you a peek into how happy she was with Iris. A peek into her being truly happy. Her smile is breathtaking and her laughter is a sound I could hear for an eternity. That's the thing about her... her past will piss you right the fuck off and then cause you to want to cry alongside with her. Her past is... it's terrible. I really want to help her get back to living. I want to see that happiness and laughter out of her constantly. If I had a heart it would have broken with her tonight.

I take my shoes off, but another thought stops me in the middle of everything.

_Dax. That rat bastard. How could he have her and not realize how good he fucking had it? I'm glad she killed him. I would've killed him too. Hell, I'd be happy to kill him multiple times. He shared a bed with her. They had a child together, but she never loved him and he never tried to love her. Was he ever kind to her? Did he ever come home and wrap his arms around her? Did he hold her? Did she ever smile because of him? Or was she always miserable with him?_

I scratch the back of my head in frustration. I really do hate that man and he's not even around for me to hate him.   
However, I did figure out her strength tonight. Iris is her strength, and that's why she needs to hold onto the good memories she has of her.

My mind wanders to her hands and the way she took such careful consideration of my arm. The look on her face as she focused so hard in order to repair me. The way her brow furrowed as she held my arm closer so that she could inspect any problem areas. I was envious of everything she'd ever created every time I gazed upon her face. She's a mechanical genius, a mother, and she's got the biggest heart out of anyone I've ever met. I'm lucky she's on our side. I'd hate to see any enemy of hers if she took the path of revenge. I'm pretty sure she'd destroy the whole damn universe.

I don't want to sleep right now. I know I need to, but there's too much I'm sorting through. Sleep would be impossible. After pacing around mindlessly for a few minutes, I go to sit at the desk in my room. I reach for the journal in the top drawer and run my hands along the spine.

_It's been a while, Ace. I'm sorry I don't write to you that much. I've gotta tell you about this girl though. In a way she's helped me realize a few things and I'm not very good at putting thoughts on paper, but I need to._

***

After roughly an hour of writing I place the journal back in its home in the drawer. I remove my cloak and chest piece along with the rest of my armor.

_I wasn't walking home topless. You didn't need anymore questions, yeah, you're welcome partner._

I smile as I crawl into bed. This bed is all I need. I never thought that as a robot I'd enjoy the simple comforts I once did as a human, but beds are fucking niiice. I roll onto my side and for a split second, Phoenix's sleeping face is in front of me. Then she's gone.

_How can I miss her presence so much already?_

She's still surprising me. Little bit of alcohol and a whole lotta hellfire. I chuckle to myself and then I remember her blushing face as I helped her stand in the kitchen. The way she ran her gentle fingers along my chest. How intrigued she was with my metal body. I wanted to stay so damn bad, but she was drunk and I'm not doing that to her. She deserves better than that from me... from anyone. Then I remember her eyes. The way they held mine in a sleepy drunken trance. They were dark, sultry, yet kind. I've seen similar eyes in women before, but Phoenix... hers damn near caused me to lose it simply from desire. How she subconsciously stayed closer to me, her lips the way they pouted, and the way they parted... so fucking inviting.

_Damn, I need to get it together._


	18. Chapter 18

After nursing a mild hangover yesterday, I decided to spend the day with Amanda in the hangar. She's actually booked with repairs so she was grateful when I popped in a few hours ago.

"How many ships are left?" She calls from a workbench. Amanda has been working on a speeder that's been victim to a few crashes.

"Uh..." I look around from underneath the ship I'm currently working on. "Four. I think?"

"Not too bad. Should only take a couple more hours between us." She smiles brightly at me. "Glad to have you helping out. You've really saved me today." She adds.

"Well you know I love fixing things, Amanda. It's just about the only thing I know I can do well." I'm focused intently on the wiring of this ship. There's damaged plates on the underside. I plan to hammer out the dents. I could imagine Cayde's face if I had tried to take a hammer to his arm. I smile to myself.

"Yeah, heard you fixed our favorite robot up pretty good the other night." I hear a small laugh from her.

"Who said anything about him being my favorite? Those words have never left my mouth." I joke with her.

"Oh come on, Phoenix! You've gotta like him at least a little bit." She teases.

"He's a good guy. I'll admit. Likes to get himself into some shit though. He's absolutely wild with a gun. I've never seen someone fight like that."

"Ya know, he's actually quite the feared gunslinger throughout the system."

"Cayde? No, he's not scary at all. He's actually sweet sometimes..." I think back to the man I met when he tested my abilities, "well... never mind. I guess I can see it." This damn bolt is tight. At this point I'm going to get the wrench stuck as well.

"Awh has Cayde been sweet talkin you in his smooth ways? I knew it was a date!" I can hear the mischievous laughter from her.

"Dammit Amanda it wasn't a date!" I grit through my teeth as I struggle with the ship.

"Ya know she actually fixed me some ramen. It was damn good too."

"Shit." I curse as the wrench falls on my face. When did he get here? How long has he been here?

"Ramen?! But Cayde that's your favorite!" Amanda gives him a playful nudge.

"Partner, where are you even at?" He starts to look around for me, but obviously he didn't have to look that hard. Amanda probably pointed him in my direction because he pulled me out from under the ship by my boot.

I look up at him from the mechanics cart I'm laying on. He's got one arm resting on the body of the ship and his hand is still around my foot.

"Right where I'm needed today." I answer him.

"How many repairs you got left partner?" He asks.

"Nuh Uh, Cayde. I can't let you steal my mechanic away today. I haven't got to spend much time with her." Amanda pouts.

"Amanda you know pouting is my weakness. That's cheating." I get up and make my way over to Amanda and throw an arm around her shoulders.

"But Cayde she needs me here today. We don't have any missions. Look at all these poor ships that need some tender care." I pout with Amanda.

"That's just evil." He complains as he crosses his arms.

Amanda and I smile together, but she reaches up to rub my cheek.

"Phoenix, did you bath in oil and grease under the ships today? What the hell?"

I look down at my hands. They're also covered in grease. I smile to myself and begin to untie the shirt I have wrapped around my waist. Old habits never die. I had a goal in mind when I left this morning and dressed accordingly. Just a simple tank top, my old trusty ratty shirt tied around my waist that doubles as a towel, simple jeans that fit nicely, there's a few holes in them now, but they're comfortable. Lastly, the combat boots. I consider them my lucky shoes.

I can feel Cayde's eyes linger on me as I try to wipe the grease from my face.

"You're just making it worse, partner." He comes to steal my tattered shirt from my hands and he gently tries to rub the grease away. No luck.

"Well aren't you two closer than ever." Amanda chuckles. My face is getting hot again.

"You guys have been working hard today." Cayde makes a sound like he's trying to clear his throat. I've come to realize that he does this to gain composure at an awkward time.

"Couple more hours and she's all yours." I look at Amanda sadly. I didn't want to leave her. I can drag this out to where I'm here all day if I have to.

"Amanda..." I start to complain

"No, no. I just figured I'd treat you girls to a night out or something." Cayde stares at the ground for a while.

Amanda and I share a long look with one another.

"Food?" She asks.   
"Drinks?" I ask.

He's looking between the both of us again. Back and forth for a second.

"Whatever you want." He smiles.

"I think we can manage that." I answer for Amanda and I.

"It actually sounds really good. I can use a break from the hangar." She smiles at him.

"Great! So does 8 sound good? I can leave you ladies to do your mechanic fixer upper thing." He looks towards the ships as he points in their direction.

"That would be about the time we'd be finishing up here..." Amanda realizes I'm trying to push for later.

"So what's the problem? 8 is good right?" He presses.

"I have grease and dirt all over me." I tell him.

"So? You had grease and dirt all over you the other night so I don't see an issue."

My eyes grow twice their size. My face is a beautiful shade of fucking lobster. I know exactly what Amanda is thinking right now. Her laughter can be heard throughout the hangar. Cayde is now looking around like he's confused.

"Damn Amanda... breathe or something." I cover my face with my hand and she starts laughing harder.

"What did I do?" He asks genuinely. Completely oblivious to what Amanda is insinuating.

"You fucking broke her. That's what you did." Cayde looks at me shocked. I'm trying not to laugh, but at this point I think Amanda is going to fall off the bench. I bite my lip to restrain my smile, but it's not working. I start laughing quietly behind my hand.

"No really. What's going on with you two?" He eyes me curiously.

"Amanda is a pervert." I grin.

"I am not!" She calls from broken laughter.

I think I hear him laugh. It's beautiful. It's hearty.

"It's just that Cayde... you undoubtedly have the best and the worst timing. Simultaneously." She leans back up and brushes the blonde hair out of her face.   
"It gives us a lot of good laughs." She smiles at him.

"Hey as long as you ladies are thinking of me I'm fine with it." He coolly adds.

"8 is fine, Scraps. As long as you're alright with me showing up dirty. We'll try to hurry this along." I reassure him.

"I'm fine with you showing up period, partner." He gives me a thumbs up and hurries off.

***

"Oooooh." Amanda starts up after Cayde disappears.

"Don't." My eyes are begging her to drop it.

"So if we're drinking tonight does that mean I get to tell Cayde about all of our interesting stories?"

"Absolutely not."

"Oh come on! We've got some fun ones! He'll really enjoy the one about Lynx. Oh what about the one with... uh what's his name again?" She taps a finger against her chin as if she's thinking really hard.

"Finn? Definitely not." I laugh.

I continue trying to rub grease off of my hands and I look around at the ships we still need to repair.

"I could call in a crew." She seems to be reading my mind.

"What? No. I love doing this. I'll finish it."

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself to repair my ships. I know exactly what you're trying to do and I won't allow it."

"I'm not trying to do anything." I lie.

"You're already looking for a way out. It's what you do. It's how you push everyone away. I'm not stupid." She's eyeing me cautiously.

"You said you could use the break. I'm fine with goin home and crashing out after the longest shower imaginable."

"Cayde wants you there. He wants to spend time with you. There's nothing wrong with that."

I bite my cheek.   
"There's everything wrong with that."

Amanda brushes a lock of hair out of my face.   
"You're pushing him away now? The only reason you're doing this is because you've already let him in haven't you?"

_Fuck. I really have... there's only two people that know the story now. That's me and... Cayde._

She notices my silence. My turmoil.

"I swear to you, Phoenix. Your secrets are safe with him. _You're safe with him_."

I ponder on what she says for a moment, but I quickly compose myself and shake off my lingering thoughts.

"Let's get these ships ready. I need a drink."


	19. Chapter 19

Amanda sits at her work bench and I'm leaning against the table. The dull light from the small lamp is the only thing illuminating the area. We're having careless conversation. Discussing the scenarios that got each ship in its poor condition. She came up with a wild story about a rogue adventurer who had no earthly idea on how a ship even functioned. We both laughed about it.

She's looking over an interesting blueprint when we both notice Cayde sauntering towards us. Maybe he's excited about tonight. Maybe I'm stressing myself out over nothing. We all need a little fun.

"My favorite mechanics! You ladies ready?" His arms are spread wide before us. Amanda and I smile at each other. Both of us lock arms with Cayde and start our night.

"Come on, Scraps. You owe me the tallest, strongest drink we can find." I pick at him.

"Long day?" He asks as he leans closer to me.

"The longest." Amanda and I answer together.

"Well, no fear ladies. I've got your fix. Tonight is for you." He squeezes our arms tightly and we continue to follow wherever he leads.

***

"Tallest, strongest whiskey you got! Please and thank you barkeep." Cayde takes a seat at the bar after ordering. Amanda and I sit on either side of him.

"Long day, Cayde? This isn't the usual." The bartender grabs a tall rectangular glass.

"Oh it's not for me. It's for the lady here." He points to me and the bartender raises a brow.

"Amanda! Girl what's your poison tonight?" Cayde's excitement is contagious. She points at the glass the bartender is handing me.

"Same as her."

Cayde looks from my glass to Amanda.   
"Do all mechanics drink like this?!"

"Hope you're ready for tonight, Cayde. Those are a rare breed of women you're sharing drinks with." The bartender has a big goofy smile on his face. He shakes his head and winks at us.

We tip our glasses towards the generous bartender and take a drink at the same time. Our glasses hit the bar in sync.

We cheer and lean across Cayde as we high five each other.

"Hope you're ready, Scraps! The night is young." I wink at him.

"Alright So first off. I gotta know something." The bartender hands Cayde a glass of blue liquid I've never seen before. He takes a drink and continues,   
"How long have you two known each other?"

"7? 8 years?" Amanda informs him.

"Closer to 8." I grin at her. We both can tell he's got more questions swimming around in his head so we sit and drink while we wait for the next.

"You've been sneaking into the tower for 8 years and I've never seen you? Shit like that just doesn't get by me."

"Well.... she's only been sneaking in for the last 4 years." Amanda winks at me.

"We had a meeting place. It changed every so often." I finish my glass and motion to the bartender to bring me another.

"Phoenix remember when you stole that guys ship?" She laughs as she finishes her glass.

"Oh god..."

"You stole a ship?!?" Cayde is shocked.

"She's actually stolen two."

"Three if you count that piece of junk I survived in that one time and I think I stole a sparrow once or twice." I look from Cayde to Amanda.

"You've stolen more ships!" Cayde is surprised.

"Hey I had a life before the guardian thing alright?"

"A delinquent life maybe." Amanda teases me.

"So what else?" Cayde turns to request another glass from the bartender.

"Ooh tell him about Finn!!"

_Bonnie what the fuck?_

Amanda starts laughing.

"Yeah let's tell him about Finn!" Amanda's eyes are beaming.

"Bonnie you're going to have to order yourself a drink before you can interject with that nonsense." I tell her.

"Well what about Lynx?"

"Bonnie!" I shriek.

"Who's Finn?" Cayde questions. His voice a bit hard.

"Finn. I can't believe I forgot his name. Phoenix he was allllll about you wasn't he?" Amanda swirls the liquid in her glass before she takes another drink. I'm currently chugging mine.

"Finn was an idiot." I state as I put the glass down on the counter. The bartender fills it up.

"Lover boy?" Cayde teases, but I watch his body tense up.

"No. Definitely not. In order for him to be lover boy I would've had to have been interested. Which I wasn't." I shut my eyes and shake my head.

"That piece of junk she stole? It was Finn's."

"You took advantage of the poor guys feelings for you? Damn that's rough, partner." Cayde chuckles.

"Okay first of all. He was creepy. Secondly he couldn't figure out how to even start the ship up. He asked me on a few dates I always declined. I've never actually been on a date. I just.... took his ship instead." I shrug as if it was nothing. To me it honestly wasn't anything.

"So cold. The poor guy just wanted to take you out on his ship." Amanda giggles.

"We both would've died if I had let him fly me anywhere in that ship." I laugh, "but he just wouldn't leave me alone. So, he shows me around his ship one day and I convince him I left something outside... took the ship."

"You've never been on a date? But you were married." Cayde's voice is dark as he mentions the marriage. He hates Dax almost as much as I do.

I just shrug at him and he nods his head in disbelief.

"I don't even wanna hear it from you, Manda. Lynx was all about you until she started stalking us both." I look at her mischievously.

"Wait a minute." Cayde starts up.   
"You guys had a girl stalker? That's.... alright I'm kinda jealous of that one." He laughs.

"Oh she got to the point where she'd figure out our meeting spots and the time we'd be meeting." Amanda tells him.

"It got bad. I don't think she was infatuated. I think she wanted to kill us and take the loot." I add. 

"She wouldn't have had the chance. Phoenix would've ended that ship way before it sailed." Amanda points at me, "She gets crazy over loot." She says into her glass before she takes a drink. 

"I get that. I mean I love finding loot. It's exhilarating, but I'm more about the glimmer. Less about the rest." He explains.

"Well, Scraps, you can have all the glimmer. I'll take the rest." I give him a sly smile as I look at him from the corner of my eye.

"So what about you, Cayde? Any new lady in your life?" Amanda questions him. I go quiet.

_Am I afraid to hear his answer?_

"Who me? Nah." He takes a quick drink. I'm hiding behind my glass.

"Aw with all that smooth talkin you do you mean to tell me you don't have the girls lining up? Usually they're tripping over themselves." She teases him.

_Yep. I'm sick. I don't wanna know. Wait... am I jealous?_

"Lining them up to knock them down, Scraps? That's pretty cold." I joke with him.

"Nothing like that ever works out for me. I'm always on the go. I usually work alone anyways so it's not a big deal." He laughs.

"Well you're not working alone anymore, 'partner' so maybe I can help you find a lady." I wink at him and nudge him playfully again.

"What about your partner there?" I know Amanda is just teasing, but the awkwardness I'm feeling is too much.

"Me and Phoenix?" He questions as he looks from me to her.

"Manda, I don't date." I reply dryly as I take a small drink.

"Alright, Alright. Damn kids I was just playing no need to get all mopey." She makes a dramatic gesture as if we've offended her.

Cayde looks at Amanda and she's got a somber yet somewhat disappointed look on her face.

We have all finished our drinks and gotten another when a man approaches me.

"Hey, pretty lady. Mind if I buy you a drink?" He's talking to me, but I still look around to make sure I'm not mistaken. Cayde and Amanda watch our interaction.

"You want to buy me a drink?" I ask him.

"If you don't mind." He has a sleazy grin.

"One condition."

"Anything." His answer was too fast.

"Bartender, I need another one." I grab the glass and hand it to the man.

"Oh no." Amanda whispers to Cayde. He leans towards Amanda, but he never takes his eyes off of me.

"We've been here for maybe an hour and the first guy has already shown up." Cayde whispers to Amanda. She smiles at him.

"looks like he's coming to steal your show." Cayde glances at Amanda. She continues,  
"party time."

Cayde watches us as he crosses his arms.

"If you finish your glass before I finish mine, I'll let you buy me a drink."   
He looks at me confidently.

"Deal. I've never met a girl who can drink anything too strong for me."

"You've met your match today." Cayde answers smoothly.

"We'll see about that." The man boasts. Cayde laughs at him.

I look around me to Amanda, Cayde, I Then wink at the bartender.

"Ready?" I ask. We both pull the glasses closer to our lips.

"Go." We start chugging the dark liquid. Amanda started with us. I hear him gag after a few drinks. He's spitting and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Fuckin hell." He says in a defeated tone.

"We done here?" I smile at him. He scoffs and walks towards the other side of the room.

"You could've just said 'no' partner." Cayde chuckles into his glass.

"Where's the fun in that? We're here to have a good time, Scraps! Drink up!" I nudge Cayde and he finishes his glass.

"Phoenix doesn't say no. She mainly just brings down their egos and it fuels her fire. It's so fun to watch." Amanda orders another glass.

"Alright guys give me five. I'll be back." I head towards the restroom. Honestly I'm about to piss 70% whiskey.

**

"Hey, Cayde."

"What's up, Manda?" Cayde drinks from his glass, and looks to his friend.

"I've gotta say this before she gets back." Amanda sips her whiskey slowly.

"Everything okay?"

"Keep her close, Cayde."

"What? Where did that come from?"

"She May try to push you away now that she's let you in. Don't let her. No matter what, do not let her push you away. Okay?" She takes another drink while Cayde just stares at her.

"You got it." He answers with a nod.

**   
We've been sitting around sharing a few nonsense stories. Amanda and I started drinking slower. Let's face it, she and I needed to slow down anyways. Cayde ordered us all some food and we sat together enjoying each other's company. I've enjoyed tonight with them both. It was really good to spend time with Amanda. This is the kinda shit she and I used to do together. Drink, show up a bunch of guys, laugh, and then go home. It was never meant maliciously unless the men we showed up were complete dicks.

"Guys let's do one more together!" I motion to the bartender to fix us three tall whiskeys.

"One more and I've gotta head out. Let's make it count!" Amanda is drunk, but I know she's not past her limit. We've both had a long day so I understand her needing to call it a night after this.

"Just one more? Come on, Amanda let's go for two." Cayde tries persuading her.

"Sorry, Cayde. You guys can drink a few more for me!"

We ready our glasses.

"On 3!"

The bartender counts down for us and we turn our glasses up. A few seconds later they all crash to the counter and we cheer together.

"Get her home safe!" Amanda says to Cayde.

"Goodnight, Manda! I'll try to stop by soon." I give her a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.

It's just Cayde and I and this silence is overbearing.

"You wanna do another?" I ask him.

Before he can reply another man steps up beside us.

"We do." I turn to look and there's two men standing behind us. I adjust myself on the bar stool.

"You wanna drink?" I ask.

"We want to buy you one. We saw the other guy fail miserably earlier. We'd like to try." They both smile at me. These guys don't look sleazy at all. Thankfully.

The first guy steps up and the bartender hands him a glass. He doesn't finish it.

Same with the next guy, but he's able to drink more than the first two. I shake their hands for the decent effort they put forth.

"A pretty girl like you shouldn't be drinking alone in a bar." One of them says to me.

I look to Cayde. Who's turned toward them, glass in hand.

"I'm not drinking alone, boys. I'm here with Cayde."

They instantly look at the glowering robot next to me as I motion towards him.   
"Oh, sorry... uh our mistake."

"Damn right your mistake! There's a whole person here next to her." He raises his voice.

"Not a big deal, Scraps. Come on it's fine."

The men walked off and the silence came back.

"Phoenix." I'm surprised to hear him say my name.

"Yeah?" I answer.

"I'd like to buy you a drink." He smirks at me. My eyes light up instantly.

"You've been buying me drinks all night." I tell him.

"Do you want these guys to quit trying to win your little deal?"

He's got a point. They're interrupting my night and I'm getting real drunk.

We stand as the bartender hands us both full glasses. The onlookers from before have gathered around.

"I'd like to buy this pretty lady a drink and unlike all of you, I won't lose. I _don't_ lose. It's just not something I do." Cayde addresses the entire bar while raising his glass as if to give them all a toast. I feel my face starting to get warm. The alcohol is starting to warm my entire body. I already can't feel my lips.

"On 3!"

As the bartender counts down Cayde and I drink together. He finishes his glass before I do... partially because I let him.

He cheers and throws his arm around me. I squeeze him tightly and the bartender hands me my final drink.

"Hey barkeep, I'm taking care of this one tonight. Is it alright if we leave so she can finish her drink in peace?"

The bartender agrees and Cayde walks me to the door.


	20. Chapter 20

The fresh air feels nice on my face. I also welcome the quiet as we leave the bar. My mind isn't interrupted with careless indecipherable whispers. All I can hear are Cayde's footsteps beside me.

I'm gazing up into the stars. Watching the brightness of the night sky. It's late and the city streets are silent.

"This reminds me of home." I smile as I grab Cayde's attention.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Iris and I would wait for the stars to appear." I keep smiling as I remember her. For once, I'm not sad while thinking of her.

"I used to stargaze quite a bit myself." I look over to Cayde as the night sky shines upon his metal face.

"Can't really see you as much of a stargazer." I say to him.

"Heh sometimes missions would take a while. Other times I'd be camped out at a place for a few days. I always enjoyed the night." He glances over at me.

We continue to walk towards the Bazaar. I'm really enjoying this although my face is still numb from the alcohol, I feel as if I'm genuinely happy in this moment.

"Hey, Cayde." I address him.

"Hmm?" He's got one hand in a pocket.

"I'm sorry about Amanda earlier. I know that was probably awkward. She gets absurd ideas sometimes. It's like she'll read too much into something."

"Eh no worries, partner. Honestly I'm kinda surprised she wasn't pressing it before tonight." He chuckles at me.

"Oh really?" I'm curious.

"Yeah, before you I mainly preferred to work alone. Always did better that way. Less hassle. Less pressure. Less responsibility."

"Am I a hassle for you, Cayde? A hinderance?" My mood waivers.

"What? No, not at all. I actually think that Zavala knew what he was doing when he paired ya up with me."

"I'm here to save your ass then? To keep the favorite hunter vanguard from what exactly? Dying? You'd be brought back. You don't need me for that." This isn't where I wanted our conversation to go. I didn't want to talk about the vanguard. I'm still not on board with the whole vanguard thing. I don't understand it. I know what I've seen and that's it. I start to pick up my pace as I head in the direction of my room.

"Wait hey! You're takin it all wrong, partner. I like working with you. You're pretty badass. You can handle yourself. I don't have to worry about keeping you alive. I know you're good ya know?"

I don't say anything. I just want to get home. I'm sure we'll be called for a bullshit mission soon so I should at least make sure I'm prepared.

"Phoenix!" Cayde jumps in front of me with both hands on my shoulders. I can see the alleyway that leads to my door from where we're standing.

"I'm just another fucking pawn, Scraps. I'm not about all that. If I was actually needed for something that _I, myself_ can bring to the cause, then maybe one day I'd be okay with this life. With being part of the Vanguard. But..." I trail off and walk towards the alley.

"Partner, you're not a pawn? We do need you and everything you bring with you. You're an excellent fighter and you're damn good with anything you get your hands on." He's on my heels.

"Who's 'we' Cayde? I thought Zavala was being sincere. Yet, here we are. I'm a rogue, Scraps. A _scavenger_. I'm not here to fucking put a prized robot back together."

"Stop it, Phoenix." My back is instantly against the cold wall. Cayde's eyes are piercing through me. His voice is stern, alarming even.

"Just stop.... I need you, Phoenix. Me. The fucking robot that you have put together. I need you on my team. I don't want you to leave. I don't want you with the Warlocks, or the Titans. I don't want you out there looting fancy shit by yourself. I want you with me." I take in a quick breath and my heart starts pounding in my ears. Am I reading too much into him?

"I hate the Vanguard." Is that seriously all I can say?

"Do you hate me?" I wasn't ready for that question. It came out of left field.

"What? No?" I quickly answer. I'm nervous. Terrified. There's electricity coursing through me and it's not because there's a robot standing in front of me... then again, maybe it's _because_ of the robot.

"Look I'm not the biggest fan of the Vanguard myself, but they're not bad people." He's getting closer with each breath that I take.

"Cayde..." I shy away from him and look to the ground. Anywhere, but in his eyes.

"What is it, partner?" His face is so close to mine. The nerves almost have me completely disarmed.

"I feel like maybe you're implying something more..." I take a deep breath to steady my anxiety.

"Maybe I am."

"What do you want from me, Cayde? I have nothing to give." My voice is failing me again.

"Just you, partner. _You_."

_What?? Why Cayde? Why me?_

"You don't realize how lucky you are." My grin is somewhat broken. I think he noticed.

"Explain that to me." His voice is stern again. I know I'm about to venture down the path that bothers him.

"Human touch. You're immune to it. You can't feel it. If you can't feel it, then it can't eat away at you."

He stares at me for a minute. Looking me up and down as I finally gaze up into his face.

"Do you honestly think I can't feel it every time your hand runs across my metal frame?" Our eyes lock and he moves to stand even closer to me, leaning over me as my back rests against the wall. His hands are on either side of me. I'm caged in his arms.

"What is it Phoenix? You think my robotic hands can't warm up to your flesh?" His hands venture beneath my shirt and squeeze my hips. I hold my breath. His hands aren't cold at all. They feel perfect.

 _Damn I fucking want him. So bad. He's so close I can breathe him in. His unique smell. Leather and metal. Two of my favorite things_.

"You're drunk, Scraps." I swallow hard.

"Exo's can't get drunk. You're deflecting." His voice is husky, wanting. I feel myself unraveling.

"It wouldn't effect you, Cayde. I don't have that effect on people." He squeezes my hips again and I nearly moan.

"Robots you mean?" He's pressing the issue. His thumb dancing in circles around my hipbone.

I shake my head at him, "anyone."

_He doesn't understand. How can I tell him? I've never willingly given myself to someone. I can't tell Cayde that right now._

"Partner... you already have that effect on me..." His voice is low and he rests his head in the crook of my neck.

"Tell me one thing you want tonight. I'll give you one thing and one thing only. Choose wisely." He raises his head to peer into my face.

"Fuck, Phoenix. You're drunk and I can't do this to you." He shakes his head.

"Actually it's wearing off. I'm barely tipsy. Slightly buzzed." I wink at him. Maybe if I joke around for a bit I can compose myself. I know I'm weak as hell right now.

There's a long moment of silence between us. I reach up to trace the metal plates of his face. My eyes never leaving his, and my resolve growing weaker.

"You may be able to feel my touch, Scraps, but could you say the same if I kissed you?" I look at him sadly.

"I could guarantee it, partner." His eyes are piercing through me they almost look as if they're begging.

_Do I really want to kiss you, Cayde? What have you done to me?_

In the next moment I wrap my arms around his neck. I've never kissed a robot, but my lips find cool metal. The metal gives and works with me. It's different. Thrilling. I continue the kiss even though I feel how tense we both are.

"Partner... Wait..." Cayde takes a cowering step back.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I'm not good at this whole thing." I try to hide my embarrassment with a small laugh. He grabs my chin and forces me to look into his eyes.

"I've never had a human kiss me since I woke up in this." He motions at his body.

"That's a shame, Scraps. I'm sure a few are dying for the chance." I reassure him. I really don't want to think about a flock of women dying to kiss my favorite robot.

 _I just admitted that... shit_.

"I'm not worried about them..." he quickly answers before he continues, "look I've gotta say something to you, but you gotta promise you'll forget it in the morning."

"Anything. Your secrets are safe with me." I whisper to him.

"Every time I'm around you... I wish so badly I could be human again. It eats away at me that there's things I can't give you as an Exo." He seems very discouraged. I hate seeing Cayde this way. This side of Cayde... it almost hurts. I'm shocked by what he says, but I'm breaking for him.

"I wouldn't want you any other way. I have to admit... you're my favorite robot." I give him a big smile. He covers his mouth dramatically as if I just told him my darkest secret. I laugh with him.

"Yeah you're definitely drunk, partner." He chuckles.

"Hey Scraps..." I begin.

"Hmm?" He looks at me seriously again.

"I'm going to do something, but you have to promise me you'll forget it in the morning." I reach for my door to unlock it and I swing it open. He stares after me.

"Your secrets are safe with me, partner." He follows me inside and closes the door. I'm still buzzed from drinking, but if I wasn't I wouldn't have the courage. I've never done anything like what I'm about to do.

I set a few things on the table and I turn to face him. I push Cayde up against the wall and I kiss him. I kiss him the way I wanted to outside. Heavily, passionately. I can feel the plates working easily against my lips. His hands venture down to my ass and I jump into his arms with my legs tightly wrapped around his waist. He starts kissing me harder and I let out a moan. He makes his way to the crook of my neck and plants more kisses there. I'm surprised I'm not a puddle on the floor in front of him. This man... he's... right now he's everything.

He carries me to the table and knocks anything out of his way before our bodies crash against it. He grasps a handful of my hair and kisses me passionately again while he presses his hips into mine.

"Cayde..." I gasp as I squeeze my thighs around him and he growls before he continues the kiss.

I pull him closer to me and he reaches up to grab my breast. I let out another moan, this one louder than the last. I lean my head back and grind my hips against him.

"Phoenix... I need to get going." He groans into my ear. I could tell he didn't want to go. Honestly, I didn't want him to either.

"Why?" I look up into his face as I catch my breath.

"You told me to choose one thing. You've given me more than enough." He blesses me with a soft smile.

"You never actually chose anything..." I remind him. I admire his self control more than he'll ever know... although at this very moment... I hate it.

"Alright. I'll choose one thing." He eyes me cautiously.

I'm waiting, dying for his decision.

"Let me take you to bed."

"You've gotta quit saying things like that!" I sigh. I hear him chuckle. I can actually feel his laughter with as close as we are.

"One condition, Scraps."

"Partner..." he starts to decline.

"Just... will you leave after I fall asleep? Not before?" I'm sure my cheeks are red.

"How can you kiss me like that and then blush over something so simple?!"

I smile at him as he picks me up off the table. I subconsciously bite my lip, but I taste him. I taste his metal. He carries me to the bed and covers me up like before. After I'm situated he goes to fetch a glass of water to put on my nightstand. I scoot over slightly so he can sit down on the bed. 

He's looking at me intently, almost carefully.

"Thanks for tonight, partner. I truly do enjoy spending time with you. We really know how to have fun. So does Amanda for that matter." He lets out a small laugh.

"I enjoy spending time with you too, partner." I give him my best sleepy grin.

"And thank you, Scraps. Thanks for believing in me. You never stop trying for me either." I close my eyes and settle farther into my bed.

I think I fell asleep to Cayde playing with my hair. I can't remember.

I do know that I'm longing for his touch more than ever right now. I've never longed for anyone. I've never _wanted_ anyone, but I can't continue to lie to myself. _I want him.._.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** I hope you all are enjoying it so far. I haven't had the chance to get all of the chapters transferred over here yet so bear with me. I'm trying!


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